SK Q & A
First Ina is tackling the question of how to help a lady get her man to try something other than the standard missionary position. Next, she's helping an adventurous vixen get her boy to stop being afraid of something she's very curious about... Hot Wax Play.
"My guy is super straight..."
“My guy is super straight. I mean "missionary only" straight. I would like to add a little spice to my sex life. How can I get him to loosen up, at least enough so I can enjoy myself?”
Missionary only huh? Hmmm…I know this seems obvious but the first thing is to ask you if you’ve talked to him at all about the fact that you’d really like to try other positions and other things. Because if you haven’t talked to him he has no way to know that you aren’t satisfied with what is happening now. If you have, and he’s reluctant, well, have you discussed WHY he’s leery of new and different things? Communication really is the key here.
The easiest thing to do is whisper in his ear exactly what you’d like him to do with you and to you – and while it may be a dumb question – have you tried this? Men LOVE to have their woman tell them exactly what they’d like – in detail, actually. Something about not having to worry if they’re doing it right because you told them exactly what it is that you wanted is a great turn on for them. But there are lots of other ways to share your desire to experience something new with him if it’s just a matter of him being unsure or naïve. A very easy thing to do is to watch a porn film together and make comments as to things that look like fun to you. Let him know when the actors are doing something that you’d like to try with him. If your guy isn’t too shy to watch a porno with you, he’ll probably be so turned on to the fact that you’d actually watch one WITH HIM that he’ll be willing to try just about anything you suggest. If he’s too shy for porn, you could try picking up a sexual techniques book with illustrations and making a date for a night devoted to reading the book together and discussing what you find. You could pick up a set of “love dice” (there are many varieties) and make it a “game night” for the two of you where you have to perform whatever comes up on a roll of the dice. You could try simply taking charge during sex and climb on top of him during foreplay, keeping him occupied and busy and trying to work things out from there…It’s important to keep it kind of light and fun when working on getting him to try new things because it can be a very embarrassing or touchy subject for men, to learn that what they’re doing isn’t enough to keep their partner pleased. You must be kind to his fragile ego. *wink*
Unfortunately, there are some folks out there who have come to believe that anything other than the missionary position is “dirty” or “wrong.” This belief can be based in many things including family upbringing, abuse or religion. If this is the case with your man than you may not be able to overcome it unless he is open to learning that sex is a natural act and that different positions don’t change the meaning or emotional content behind the act itself.
I hope that he’s just a bit scared to try new things and not thinking that other positions are just not “right.” Since the first scenario is something fun to overcome together, with both of you trying new things and having “firsts” together. The second scenario may find you guys needing some professional help for him to understand that sex of isn’t something dirty and can be changed around to make things better for both of you.
Good luck and remember, if you need tips feel free to ask the Sex-Kittens! We love to share Sex-Kitten secrets of ways to surprise and entice your lover while blowing their mind!
Hot Wax Play - YEA!
"I've heard dripping hot wax, esp. on the breasts & back, is great, but my boyfriend freaks out, thinking he's gonna hurt me.
What can I do to get him interested in trying it?
And, what are some basics we should know - things to steer clear of?"
-- Amy in Baltimore
Hot wax?!? YUMMY! I jumped in to answer you because this is one of my favorite things for special times. You do have to be careful of course. Where you put it, what types of candles to use, and how/when to remove it are important considerations but first thing is first – how do you get your partner interested in trying it?
I think the best way to do this, since you’ve obviously talked about it and he’s still leery, is to provide him with information to let him understand that this can be done safely and, more importantly, that this is something you really want to try. This will allow him to know how badly you want to do it and will arm him with ways to experiment with it safely. He should feel better about doing something for you that could offer you a new pleasure but you both have to understand that if for some reason there’s something unpleasant about the experience that it is not his fault and that no matter what there will be no blame on him about this – ever. Not at the time (if you try it and you don’t like it) and, more importantly, not later during heated arguments (‘cause we know that we women are the queens of doing this terrible deed – that of bringing up old things at inappropriate times). With this understood, I think that you should have a better time getting him to at least try it for you. Of course…you could play with wax on yourself at first in front of him as a little show to let him know you’re serious about it and that you really would like him to participate in it with you. Think of it as a sort of strip tease but you’re putting wax on sexy areas like your nipples *wink*. If you play with it on yourself where he’s a witness, he can see that you are enjoying it, and that it’s not hurting you. This should work wonders for showing him that it isn’t something to be scared of doing for you.
Hopefully you can convince him to at least try this with you – and here’s what you need to know:
Hot wax feels extremely sensual. It slides onto flesh with an intense heat and a slickness that’s not like anything else. It’s a fun addition to sex play and can be done with complete safety. You must use the right kind of wax though or you can be severely burnt. Emergency candles (the kind that come in the clear glass pillar) are great as an inexpensive “test” as to whether you’ll like wax-play or not. They are really cheap in cost and they burn cooler than most household candles which make them pretty safe. There are low temperature burning candles sold on-line specifically for sex play but they can be pricey. DO NOT try beeswax or soy candles as both of these burn at a higher temperature and can scald or burn skin quickly – especially sensitive areas. Also, scented candles can really irritate skin and tend to burn a bit hotter too.
How do you drip it? Make sure that it’s dripped from a height of at least 12” so that it has a chance to cool a bit before it hits skin. Any closer and it’s very hot when it lands which can cause 1st and 2nd degree burns. Sometimes it’s nice to have ice nearby as a contrasting sensation to apply immediately to the wax after it’s landed. For beginners to wax-play this is a great idea in case the wax landing on you is a bit warmer than you had expected.
Where should it be dripped? Well – just about anything goes but just for safety reasons you should stay away from really sensitive areas when you’re first starting to play with this – things like female genitalia and your face are good places to avoid with wax-play when you’re starting out. Your lower back, nipples, pubic mons, inner thighs are all great places for trying this new sensation. Any place you can think of has the capability of feeling great when wax is dripped on it but how good it feels, and where on the body it feels best, really is an individual thing.
How to get it off? Peeling it off sometimes feels as good and interesting as having it dripped on…and is the easiest way to remove it from skin. (low temp. waxes come off much easier than higher temp. waxes). If you get it on bedding or clothes you can use ice on it to freeze it and then break it off when it’s cold (usually). If it gets in your hair, peanut butter can sometimes loosen it up enough to get it out but I’d advise not playing with hot wax anywhere near your hair in general since it’s sometimes very hard to get out.
After removal, you’ll usually find that your skin will be rather red (if you’re Caucasian) but this should go away in a short time. If it doesn’t and you think you’ve gotten a mild burn you can apply K-Y Jelly to the area a couple of times a day for a couple of days and it should heal well.(KY is one of the best burn ointments around – it’s used by fire-eaters as a burn ointment when they have flames come back on their face or hands! Really!) If the burn is more than a mild redness or is clearly severe, you obviously need to visit a doctor.
I suggest you take it slow and have a safe, fun time incorporating this new, stimulating, tactile form of sensation into your sex play. If you both like it, you can experiment with hotter waxes, different body parts, and closer distances later. Good luck!