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This week has been so hot. How hot was it? 90’s and tropical in the Twin Cities. We are not prepared for this. Many of the places in the Cities are not air conditioned; and if they are, they are not prepared for it to be as hot and sticky as it has been.

There are only two alternatives: live in a body of water. For pale people “Up Nort” that’s a risky business. Or stay in a place (like home) that is air conditioned and read. I have been reading Reading Lolita in Tehran (a review on that will come later). Keeping cool and reading the book I came across one of the laws that said “if a man has sex with a chicken it is unclean to eat for his family and for families next to him, but if a family lives a given number of houses away they can eat the chicken.

This got me thinking, Iran isn’t the only place where silly sex laws abound. We have enough of them to keep you laughing and cool right here.

In Minnesota we love our fish…well, some do. However, there are some limits: it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. And in Alexandria, MN no man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions or sardines on his breath. If his wife requests, he must brush his teeth. I don’t think a simple brush will take care of this. This might take some industrial strength mouthwash.

Minnesota is not the only place in the Midwest with some strange sex laws. I know we can get excited (am I understating it?) when we have an orgasm. But in Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off his gun when his female partner has an orgasm. I know we all want to celebrate, but it can be a bit hard on the ceiling when the gun goes off.

However, the state law in Illinois might warm the heart of any dom: all bachelors should be called “master,” not “mister,” by female companions. It’s too bad for dommes: there is no corresponding law for them.

In Florida you better be married if you want to go sky diving on a Sunday afternoon. No single, divorced, or widowed woman can parachute out of a plane. Is this some devious law to get rid of nagging wives?

Some locations even make it difficult for a married couple to have sex. In the State of Washington it is against the law to make love to a virgin, no matter what the circumstances, anywhere in the state. It is a major crime to even marry and then spend the night with a virgin bride. It does make it difficult to celebrate a marriage night. Do they have to cross the border to Idaho, Oregon or Canada?

Connecticut doesn’t make it easy on married couples either. That state still has a law on the books that forbids “any kind of private sexual behavior between consenting adults.” Just what is a couple to do on those cold winter nights?

Cattle Creek, Colorado does make it easier for a man and wife to make love, but they cannot do it in any lake, river or stream. If they want to fool around in water it has to be in a tub or not at all. They don’t say anything about a couple who is not married. Can they do it in the lake, river or stream?

However, it is Florida which gives new meaning to piercing. It is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine!

Live well, and prosper (laugh and stay cool),
Jewel

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