Dancing with Ned
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Ned.
Sure is hard to believe that a whole year has gone by. A whole year since I was diagnosed with the dreaded beast the over took my breast. Four months since my last radiation treatment. It all seemed to fly by in just a blink of an eye, now that I look back on it all. But when I was going through treatment, if felt like an eternity. I thought it would never end. But it did, and now I'm in the Recovery Zone.
You're probably asking what the Recovery Zone entails. Well, I can tell ya, it's nothing like the Treatment Zone. This zone is much easier to take physically. But emotionally, it's still difficult.
I worry about recurrence, sometimes believing that I'm feeling lumps elsewhere. Also, the dreaded thoughts that I may have passed this on to my daughter or my nieces. That's the stuff they do not tell you about when you enter the Recovery Zone.
You also have to go through all those wonderful tests again. I hate being poked with a needle, especially when they can't get it right the first time. The
x-rays and scans are easy enough to do, you just lay there and hold your breath. It's the results, that can take over a week to get, that start to drive you batty. Oh yes, and then there is the mammogram. Just the thought of that machine squishing my breast...all I could imagine was pain. I didn't want any more pain. I just wanted this over.
My husband and I exchange looks, I know he is thinkin' the same thing I am. We look to the radiologist, and I ask, "Umm, who is Ned, and why do we want to go dancing with him?"
So in I walked..nervous, anxious, and full of questions. Why are receptionists such crabby bitches? Do they teach that shit to you in the classes you take? How to be a fuck-wit in 4 easy steps? Geeze, my dogs greet me with more enthusiasm. Anyway, the technician leads me to the breast mashing machine, and can tell I'm very nervous and on the verge of tears. She reads over my chart and tells me she will have the radiologist look at the films immediately, so that I have some idea of what is going on, and can ease some of my fears. Ease my fears? Yeah, right. Sure, lets try that. As she is positioning me, all I can think of is pain. I tell her to do my half breast first, to get it over with. She complies. I'm shaking so much she can not get a good pic...Oh crap, we have to do it again. This time, I just hold my breath, and stay as still as I possibly can. She gets the pic..and then moves on to the other breast. *sigh* Finally, it's over. She takes the films and says, "Soon you'll be meeting Ned, you can just get dressed and wait here if you like, I'll tell your husband to come in."
Now comes the wait. It's the worst part ever. Five minutes feels like a million years, and all I keep envisioning is them telling me it's back. Now I'm crying, silently, into my husband's shoulder. I can feel him trying to be strong for me, but we are both anxious. In walks the radiologist, asks how I am. How the hell you think I am? Tell me what you see dick-head! He smiles and says, "You can go dancing with Ned tonight!" I'm just standing there staring at him, dumbfounded. I'm thinkin'..who the fuck is Ned? My husband and I exchange looks, I know he is thinkin' the same thing I am. We look to the radiologist, and I ask, "Umm, who is Ned, and why do we want to go dancing with him?" I feel like an idiot asking this, but I have no clue. He laughs and says, "Ned.. N.E.D. ...No Evidence of Disease." I wanted to kiss him. Instead, I slapped him in the arm and told him thank you, and to never say that to a woman who is waiting for her first results after treatment. I know he meant well, but damn, say that after the fact. If I did have a recurrence, would you have told me that Ned left the building? Freakin' jerk!
I do still have those tiny micro-calcification's in the left breast, but they have not changed, and we're keeping a close eye on them. Till that time comes (in 6 months) hubby and I are having Ned stay at our house, for which I pray is a life long visit, as I have fallen deeply in love with him.