Come Hither Lashes-- Weapons of Mass Seduction

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Every Sex-Kitten needs to be equipped with a few choice weapons of seduction: Long, feathery, black lashes are to ransom as red-as-sin lips are to a shot in the heart... Betti Mustang brings you the latest on luxurious lashes--lashes that are so luxurious men have been known to drop dead at the mere sight of them. Oh yeah, we're talking deadly sweetheart, deadly.

I have a mascara thing--not really a fetish, but definitely a thing. I love mascara on women. I love mascara on men. I love mascara. I love it so much that I have tried to put it on my dog (who happened to have eyelashes--no joke). He wasn't very cooperative. God rest his soul, he is no longer with us.

There is nothing that screams sex-siren more than a pair of dramatic, heavy, black, long, thick eyelashes. Think Angelina Jolie, Marilyn, or your favorite porn star. Yep, check to the hot lashes. And Prince, dear Lord, don't forget Prince. The man has beautiful eyelashes.

So how do you achieve this at home? Over the years, I have sampled a fucking million different brands of mascara. We're talking the $1 Wet N Wild tube that I shoplifted as a preteen to the $25 tube of crap that I got suckered into at Macy's. By the way, I blame my one-time adolescent shoplifting on the many years of bad-mascara-karma that I have suffered. I feel though, that my karma debt (after 15 years) has finally been reconciled. I repent for Christ-Sake, now give me a good mascara!


Anyway, here’s the skinny on getting fat lashes:

The best stuff on earth is Estee Lauder Lash Primer Plus. You need this primer. It is expensive and you will become addicted to it. This is okay. Being addicted to something this fabulous is a good thing. It’s great because if you coat your lashes with this stuff you can pretty much put any crappy mascara over it and you’ll still look decent. If you pair it up with some good mascara, you’re talking dangerous. It makes your lashes look loooooong and dramatic.

While we’re talking expensive and effective we may as well bring up Lancome Definicils. Now, Lancome makes some pretty great mascara. I just have a hard time shelling out $22 bucks for something that I’m supposed to toss out in three months. On the other hand, their mascara works great, doesn’t run and goes on thick and sexy. I’m spoiled because my Auntie worked at Macy’s for a nanosecond and embezzled hundreds of Lancome mascara samples. Hooray for family!

A good standby mascara for the Sex-Kitten on a budget is Loreal Double Extend waterproof mascara. It comes with a primer and it works good. I won’t lie and say that the primer is as good as the Estee Lauder stuff, but it does run a close second. If you slather on a couple of layers you should be in good shape.

Mascara’s that I got really exited about and then let me down (for which they will rot in cosmetic hell for all eternity) are Aveda and Benefit’s Bad Gal Lash. I like Aveda for their hair stuff and I love Benefit--their perfume Maybe Baby is a must, but both brands fucking suck ass in the mascara department.

The Aveda stuff is weak, and runs like a son of a bitch and the Benefit stuff just doesn’t do what it implies that it’s gonna do. When you say “Bad Gal Lash” I’m thinking some serious fucking eyelashes.

I judge mascara by the “How bad does it interfere with my sunglasses?” scale. If my eyelashes are so long and coated that they keep rubbing against my sunglasses lens, hence driving me crazy, I know I have done well.

Okay, I’m done. I’m off to bat my eyelashes at Mr. Mustang. The dishes need to be done... Works like a charm every time.


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