Videos on the Internet Are AWESOME!

I was going to write about this video that’s been making its way around the internet. This is the video where a blatantly masochistic guy gets impaled by what appears to be three feet of horse cock. And in the end, when the horse does shove his entire dick into the man's ass and you can tell it ripped through the man’s intestinal system—the man off camera says “Did he come?” And he says it as though it was the most pressing question currently facing mankind. Yes, I was going to write a tongue-in-cheek piece on that video. But then a friend said, “Sabrina, do you really want to be the person that admits to the world they saw a man get fucked to death by a horse?” And of course I didn’t want to be that person, which is exactly why I am writing about an entirely different video I found on the internet. The video is aptly titled “Wacko v. John (December 2005)”. It is basically an hour and three minutes of two men engaging in submission wrestling in some seedy motel room. In the video’s opening sequence, the younger guy, who I am assuming is “Wacko” lounges around on the make-shift “death arena”. The “death arena” by the way, is two twin beds pressed together. On an unrelated note, their “death arena” reminded me of my childhood. A time when I used to press the beds in my room together and jump on the modified, larger mattress until the day I fell between the two beds and knocked the shit out of myself. I silently prayed either the bald old man, John, or Wacko would slip between the beds and get crushed to death. As usual, the good lord never bothered to answer my request.

Twelve minutes into the video I was getting pretty bored. So far all I’d seen was your typical, run of the mill, wrestling moves. That is, until John and all the white hairs on his chest got over zealous and hit Wacko in the face, busting up his nose and causing him to bleed. My first thought upon seeing this was, AIDS. John obviously had the same thought and quickly dismounts the young boy. He rushed off camera and brought back a towel for the young whipper-snapper to bleed into. The second the bleeding dissipated the two quickly got back to the business of ass kicking. At this point, it is roughly fifteen minutes into the video and both men have erections. Huge bulging erections that I cannot stop staring at. Because of this I spent the next forty-seven minutes watching these two Neanderthals engage in latent, repressed homosexual behavior as I wait for them to start the sexing. For the entirety of the forty-seven minutes the two morons just grappled and nothing else. NOTHING. They don’t kiss, flash their dicks at one another or even dry hump. They wrestled a bunch, took a timeout or two but they never actually got their rocks off. Exactly what was the point of that? For example, if I were to take the time to roll around in my panties with a man in his manties, I’d be looking forward to some sexin. To go through all that and have ZERO sex would be useless. Kinda like ninjaing without killing someone in the end, or sitting in your car without driving anyone over. It’s just totally pointless. Exactly like the video.