SAF + SWM

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While randomly surfing the net, I came across a blog post addressing the trend of white men dating Asian women. The author wanted to know why so many white men date Asian women. Why do some Asian women date only white men? Do these Asian women hate their culture so much that they won't give Asian men a chance? The post caught my attention, because it was directed at women like me.

I usually date white men. I'm part of the growing trend that has become a cliché: the Asian female with the Caucasian boyfriend. I have been one of those petite Asian women walking around with a tall white man. My last boyfriend was a tall blond with blue eyes. You can't get more All-American than that. When I first met him, his look was a big part of the attraction. I was into the All-American look, and he had a thing for Asian women. It was the perfect match.

When you're in love, you don't care what other people think. However, when you're part of an inter-racial relationship, a part of you wonders about how others perceive you. I wondered if people saw him as the strong white male taking care of the obedient Asian female. Did I become the trendy Asian woman who only seeks out white men? Since I'm dating a white man, does this make me less Asian?

My best friend is Asian, and she will note date white men. When I asked her why, she pointed to the fact that there are so many White Male/Asian Female couples. She didn't want to become part of the WM/AF trend. In a way, I understand her rationale. I know that people make the wrong assumptions about Asian women who date white men.

Some may think that the Asian woman is naturally submissive to her partner. I don't speak for other Asian women, but I know that doesn't work for me. In all of my past relationships, I have been treated as an equal. I can be the good girlfriend when I want to be, but I'm not his maid or his sex slave. Some people think that white men who date Asian women are treated like royalty. I am just not into that. To me, a relationship should be about give-and-take.

My past boyfriends have said that I'm not the typical Asian female. What is the "typical" Asian female anyway? I have this feeling that part of America still expects Asian women to act a certain way: soft-spoken, docile, gentle, shy. If that is true, then I am anything but the typical Asian female. I'm outspoken, outgoing, blunt, and a bit aggressive. I speak my mind, and I don't take any bullshit from anyone.

Now that I'm single again, I've been weighing my dating options. Do I stick with my current preferences for tall white men? Do I try to break out of the trend? I realize that these are the wrong questions to ask. I shouldn't care about how other people view my dating choices. A strong relationship is based on a connection that goes beyond skin color or physical preference. If you know a cute, kind man who can keep up with a creative, outgoing, and eccentric Asian woman, send him my way. Anyone looking for an American Geisha need not apply.

© Kis Lee

Kis Lee is a smut writer from Orange County, California. Her novella "Complications" is now availalble from Liquid Silver Books. Read more about her at MySpace.

 

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