"I fantasized about you in the shower this morning."
A client once told me that and I didnít quite know how to respond at the time, but I guess itís nice to know that I can bring some pleasure into peopleís lives. Is it a compliment or should I be mortified? After all, we donít really know who else is fantasizing about us at any given time. Maybe itís that guy you passed on the street or one of your coworkers? Hell, I was fantasizing about my cute neighbor whose name I donít even know while using my new Fukuoku 9000 the other night.
As a sex worker, I am a fantasy, a mere distraction from the reality of menís lives, as well as my own. I wonder how many of these clients take my image with them in the head for later fantasizing after our time together is over. Do they think about me and our experience together time and time again? It worries me a bit, but nobody is immune to it. Think of any public figure and how people become obsessed with that person as a substitute for real relationships. It's easier to fantasize because you can create your own little reality where everything works out in the end and everybody's happy. Obviously, in real life itís not always this way.
Some women like the idea of men jacking off to their image, relishing in the fact that they are always an unattainable object, but I am attainable to anyone with enough money. Why should I be a fantasy? There are a lot of people who seem unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality nowadays. Especially in the cyber age, where people live out their entire lives in front of a computer screen and have all their important relationships with people theyíve never even met before. Escort and domination services play out to these types, where fantasies can become semi-realities for anyone with the right amount of money. More often than not, these men are disappointed when their exact fantasy isnít played out correctly and they canít come. I see this a lot in domination, where the client comes in with a written out list of his exact fantasy in detail, right down to the clothes the mistress is wearing. These clients, more often than not, are probably Internet addicts who surf all day for their fetishes and hope to live them out in detail, but real life is different and fantasies are not reality. The mistress or escort isnít going to look exactly like the ones on the web and the scene isnít going to play out word for word exactly how they want it unless the woman is a great actress. Itís how reality is and itís almost never perfect.
I consider myself a realist. I do live an active fantasy life inside my head at times, but I rarely lose my grasp on reality, no matter how intoxicated I am. Sometimes I have a hard time grasping my reality and wish I could "leap over" to my fantasy world where everything is perfect, but we all wish that sometimes. I always assess the situation from a "what would really happen standpoint?" rather than a "what would I want to happen?" standpoint. I am often misinterpreted because of this. People donít want a grasp on reality, they would much rather live out the pretend fantasy that isnít really happening, but is inside their head. Think of how many people you know who are like this and constantly see things differently than how they are. How much do these people really know and why are they pretending?
There are clients I see sometimes that think that they have a shot in becoming my boyfriend. They think Iíll voluntarily see them for free and continue a relationship with them. Maybe someday I might even kiss them. I try to be nice as possible (at best, theyíll become regulars), but stress that I am not looking for the "Pretty Woman" fantasy that so many others (men and women) seem to be searching for. I am not looking to be rescued from a life of crime so I can be some middle age manís arm candy. That is not my fantasy or reality. I do what I do to support myself and live an independent life, which so many women outside of my industry seem to have a hard time doing. It is not just a life of silly sex fantasies, but of harsh realities. It is my job to take someone away from those harsh realities for a short amount of time and live out the fantasy that has been so etched in their mind. The fantasy of getting the girl they could never have.