With all due respect to my married counterparts here at Sex-Kitten; marriage, for me, is not the answer. However, I must say that I see a rather unhappy trend among those of you who are married and I wonder why so many women take the plunge without knowing what’s in store for them. Sure, we all want happiness, security, and love in our lives, but will marriage really guarantee that? I’ll let you married ladies answer that...and the gentlemen, too.
My decision to shun marriage is not related to my profession, rather, it is something I decided many years ago when I was a teenager. I realized that not only was marriage demeaning to women in so many ways, but it is unrealistic and rarely successful. My goals and interests change daily, but there is one decision that will always remain- I will never be married.
How many people do you know who got married “just to get married” and are crushed when the marriage fails a few years later? So many people go into it thinking that all the problems will be solved as long as they are tied to another person legally, but instead they have a whole new set of problems on their hand, especially if a breakup occurs. We live in this society where marriage is expected of us, particularly if we are heterosexual and female, so many women feel they should find a husband as soon as possible to take the pressure off. What a bunch of hooey! Women will never get ahead unless they make personal success, not marriage, their ultimate goal.
My anti-marriage stance is often met with incredulous stares, snickers, and whispers of “she must be a lesbian.” (Hey, lesbians want to get married, too!) My attitude is “why would anybody believe in marriage anyway?” Clearly, it does not work the way it is intended to and instead creates misery and jealously to the parties involved in the name of security and commitment. If two people are committed to each other, they can be so without being married, especially in today’s day and age. One of the longest standing celebrity couples-Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn- have been together longer than any of their married counterparts without ever taking the plunge. Here’s hoping they never do and prove to everyone what a useless institution it is. (Oh, and let’s not forget Oprah and her Stead-man)
There is also a double standard that exists for women who never marry as opposed to men. Men who forego marriage are lauded as “playboys” and “bachelors” (Java, anyone?), where women are dismissed as “spinsters”, “old maids”, or just plain difficult. After all, we are led to believe that women are the ones who want marriage (not always true) and men have it “forced” upon them in return for someone to cook, clean, and have their babies. Why do women want marriage so badly? I can’t help but wonder what it assures us other than a lifetime of servant hood and boredom. Oh, and 50% of our husband’s income. Well, I guess that makes sense.
Many people may criticize my work in the sex industry as degrading to women and call me a whore, slut, or whatever demeaning term they choose. I expect that. However, what is the difference between myself and the trophy wife who marries a man she doesn’t love for his wealth? I’ll tell you what the difference is- I don’t have to sleep with that man every night, cook, clean, or wash his dirty underwear. I don’t have to go out in public with him, have him in my face 24/7, put up with his irritating friends and family, or bear his children. Sure, I don’t get the house or the fancy car, but I do get freedom and independence and nothing beats that.
Sure, I long for a secure committed relationship someday with a man I care about. I have a need for love and approval like most women, but marriage will never be a part of it. There will be no expectations, exchanges of vows, changing of last names, or planning of families. If we do decide to part, we will go our separate ways, clean and simple. There will be no division of assets, no lawyer’s fees to pay and no battles for custody. I wouldn’t want it any other way. And from now on, just call me “Libby Bachelorette.”
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