Whether you are married, living with someone, or even in a ‘solid’ relationship, there are a few things that one looses or trades for the sake of ‘commitment.’
I don’t mean the obvious inability to have a new beau each night, but subtle, little things, that for me, result in a loss of sex drive. I don’t think it is merely the societal joke that once a woman gets a man, she let’s herself ‘go.’ In fact, I bet it’s these little losses that (if anything) are what contributes to the ‘letting herself go.’
Stick with me, see if I make a point.
When a woman is dating, there is more preparation time for getting together. Men may joke & complain about how long it takes a woman to get ready, but frankly, they enjoy the results. If you live with a man, well, he surely is going to complain how much time you need, mock the fact that you need 6 outfit changes, try 4 pairs of earrings, and the length of time it takes to makeup your face. He doesn’t get that it is the act of making yourself look special, makes you feel special. Special, confident, sexy.
We all know that it takes a bit ‘more’ for women to get aroused. Men are ready to go, women (as is so often complained about) require more time, more foreplay. Facts is facts.
It may seem to you men that you ‘got’ more when you dated, & it is probably true. But before you gals email me with death threats, and men decide to live a bachelor’s life, read on.
The anticipation of a date is intoxicating. A woman imagines how the time will be spent. She looks forward to the conversation, getting to know each other. Dating supports conversation as each person asks questions to learn about the other, and also gets a turn to be asked in return. Rather heady stuff for a gender that loves to talk. So, the very fact that a man needs to talk to, at the very least to figure out his plan of attack, brings more to the relationship than the point at which a couple decides to remain a couple -- at that point he thinks he knows everything and so he believes he can rest now, secure in the fact that he knows how things are. A women is vastly disappointed in the change in the relationship as it once filled her needs to communicate & share but now has become silent.
As a woman anticipates this date, she not only prepares herself for the conversation with Mr Potential, she is preparing herself for the physical interaction. As she showers, arranges her hair, selects her clothes, she is contriving the image she wishes to convey. Will she opt for soft, innocent & romantic making him wonder & do all the initiation, or will she go for wild, unconventional & assertive, making him sweat out ‘if’ he is worthy of her advances?
As women dress, we costume.
And not just for the guy either. We are certainly signaling to ourselves that this is different than getting dressed to go to the office, or meet for a play date at the park. Our minds as well as our bodies are awakening to a realization that this is exciting.
This is especially true of women who are also mothers. Why? Well, moms spend most of their day with bits of other people’s food on their clothes, possibly in their hair. Their clothes are designed for comfort & ease of wash, not necessarily for the way they flatter the figure. Moms are also touched all day, they no longer have personal space, or privacy of any sort. Someone is always demanding something, and mom’s needs are last met. This tends to make a person feel shut-down at best, angry or cheated at worst.
Add to that a man who thinks you are taking to long in the bathroom, and you will often get a woman who stops trying.
I could go on for hours, but let’s move this to the message boards, and talk!
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