Most of you here know that Gracie has used me as quite a little guniea pig... First the experiment with the boots, then she had me read that book...
Maybe she sensed something within me, some fantasy aspect that I wasn't aware of. Or maybe she has perverted me. (Mom warned me about girls like her! *giggle*) But the fact is, now I am having fantasies I never had before.
Fantasies of being submissive, sexually submissive that is.
I don't feel uncomfortable having the fantasies, I like them! But now I think about the fantasies so much, I want to try some of them... and I don't see how I can bring up the subject with my straight-laced, conservative husband.
I just can't imagine myself asking to be tied up, and what's worse, if I had to ask, it would ruin the whole thing! I mean, I am affected by the very thought of him having the control, so if I had to ask, and explain it all, step by step, I would not only feel like the 'teacher' but feel that the basic core of the whole fantasy was missing.
So, how can I get to try my fantasies, see if I like the reality?
In my 'research' (ok, so I am surfing for erotica & porn!) I found a few key websites that, in the very beginning, helped me feel 'ok' about myself -- I was not loosing my mind, or being a 'sicko.' And some of these had some very interesting how-tos for beginners. (The list is below.) But, I still feel stuck.
I admit, I am a bit afraid of his reaction to his 'normal' wife, turning 'kinky.' And to be very honest, if the situation were reversed, if he suddenly came home one day, say 3 months ago, and ordered me to my knees, I would have either slapped him or burst into tears! I can only imagine how we would react to me asking for him to take control...
Will his male ego feel hurt, thinking that he has not been acting 'man enough?' Will he be turned off by such play? What if I get him to try it, an he loves it, while I prefer to to remain a fantasy in my mind? What if he likes it so much, that he decides to act more like a 'master' in other areas of our lives, rather than just in the bedroom?
I know I can pretty much bet on the first one. Male egos are so fragile... Remember the first time you tried to explain to your man how you liked him to go down on you or that you needed more foreplay? Not fun. For all those 'sex-perts' telling you that men appreciate knowing how to please you, women know that you can't just have that conversation & get it. Nope, it is long hours of uncomfortable talk, maybe even an argument as his pride makes him defend his love-making skills. Can I expect this to be any different?
So, for now, I will keep surfing, reading... Yes, getting all hot & bothered, but I hope to find some help for this situation too. If you have any ideas, please post them on the message boards!
Bondage Guide, one of the best basic 'how tos' that covers what it is, and even how to initiate... This may (with a few shots of booze) give me the courage to try with my husband...
What if the kids see?! Oh my! Now this is way scarier than what my hubby thinks! I don't think it gives me much confidence, but then I may just be too uptight...
A Beginner's Guide To Breast Bondage, simple overview of, well, breast bondage (if you could only see how red my face is now!)
12 Days of Christmas, Submissive Style! Sorry I didn't find this before the holidays, but it is cute!