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Oral Exploratory Surgery Ok, so last time, I wrote about trying to get hubby interested in trying some bondage. Well, it didn't go super well...
Without getting too personal, let me tell you, it was partially my fault. :sigh:
The basic overview is this: I wanted to try it, hubby wasn't comfortable with it. I was subtle, but relentless. I showed him a few books I was reading, that didn't work, so I tried to talk about it. He didn't converse.
I should have left well enough alone.
But no. Like many a wife, or any woman in a relationship with a man, I had to have the conversation.
I had to practice, what I now call 'Oral Exploratory Surgery.'
Worse than pulling teeth, which is how many a conversation with a male will go, I operate off the premise that hubby is 'like me' and needs to talk about it ~ talk about anything & everything.
See, while women do need to communicate, and men who want to be with us are obligated to letting us talk, share, rant, discuss, blither & so-on, men do not have the same need. Or at least not such an intense need.
So, when I started talking, and he was not receptive, I ought to have stopped. Well, this is how it went:
Me: I don't understand, I mean, I know it is different, but is there a problem, something I don't know... (This is me opening the mouth & trying to poke into the gum tissue, thinking that the crumb on the surface of the tooth must really be a problem with the root of the tooth...)
Him: Silence. (Hoping I will see nothing is there.)
Me: No really, you can tell me... Did you try it sometime? Did you have a bad experience or something? (Me slicing into the gum, hell bent on seeing that root.)
Him: What do you mean? (Squirming in pain - trying to escape the probing & slashing)
Me: Did you tie up some girl years ago? Not that I want her name or anything, but I mean did you try it & not like it? (I see the root, I think...)
Him: What... ? (Repeat)
Me: Did you tie up some girl? Did someone walk in? Was someone hurt? Did - (Almost there...)
Him: No! Why would you think that? (Ouch.)
Me: Well, I just thought...
Him: No! God, Mare! (Getting angry at the 'dentist' for hurting him.)
Me: I mean if you never tried it, how do you know? (Now I see that root is fine, and begin looking for another tooth root to expose.)
Him: Well, I don't have to bungee-jump to know I won't like that either. (Thinking now I am done... Silly man!)
Me: (It can't be this simple, so... Let's find another tooth....) So you never tried it...?
Him: No. (Thinking he can get up now...)
Me: But what if I wanted to bungee-jump, wouldn't that matter? (There must be something here!)
Him: (Complete panic, he hears the sound of the drill!) Jeeze, Mare, can't we just leave it? I mean I don't want to, it's that simple...
Me: (I found no evidence, but something stinks in this mouth... I am thinking 'root canal') So what I want, I need doesn't matter?
Him: I didn't say that. If you want to bungee-jump... go ahead.
Me: (Silently appraising the situation)
Him: I'll drive you if you want. Wait on the ground for you. (Starts to smile, thinks he is funny.)
Me: So I can get tied up by some other man, that's ok, you'll drive me there? Wait outside for me? (Cranking the drill, and not offering novicaine!)
Well, as you can see, oral explorative surgery didn't go well. After 4 more days of on-again-off-again arguing, I have come to realize there was 'nothing wrong with his teeth,' he didn't have tons to say on the subject because it just didn't interest him.
Unlike a woman who would have thoughts, feelings, reactions, impulses, and memories from third grade to illustrate her points, men just can say 'yes' or 'no' with no real thought, or emotion, involved.
Since I have lived with this man for 8 years, and we dated another 4 before that, I know he isn't hiding some deep, psychological scars, or brooding on a past sex-deal gone bad. He just doesn't get off on it. Period. End of statement.
Imagine that.
Now, I, being a woman, have resolved that in the future, when it comes to conversation, I will make a few quick attempts to look into his open mouth ~ but if nothing is black & spewing vile fluid, I will leave it alone.
Well, I will leave him out of it, and call a friend. A girl friend. And we can talk about it for 3 weeks, and still forget to mention something interesting...
But no more oral exploratory surgery for me.
Oh, as for my sexual needs, well, this is the situation:
I can bungee-jump, solo. I will continue to read my erotica to get in the mood, and fantasize like hell during 'it.' And, occasionally, he will 'drive me there & wait on the ground' by watching a bondage flick with me (so watch for my reviews!).
...Maybe if he sees a few...
...well, I won't bring it up again! :wink:
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