The thing is I really didn't start out being a sex goddess. In fact, despite
an officially liberal upbringing I was fairly uptight about the whole
subject. Call it early-childhood emotional abandonment or post-pop culture
mammory depression, but any way you slice it, baby, I was strung tighter
than a training bra straining to contain Anna Nicole's most famous assets.
Still I tried. Oh yes, I did try to loosen up. First there was the furative
trips to the sex shops and then a bit of kink (later, a lot of kink). A few
movies. Public sex. Weird sex. Kinky sex. Group sex. You name it, I tried
it, but it was like spinning my tires in wet mud. Sure, I was dirty, but it
didn't get me very far. I can say I owe most of what I know about good sex
to two lovers, both exes, one having graduated to friend, the other still
reviled for egrejuis acts against the female ego.
So what did I learn? Well, it's not so much what I learned as what I
unlearned. I unlearned the cultural legacy of body hatred (I was formerly an
A+ student in that). I unlearned that masturbation was something nice girls
didn't do. I unlearned that my critical Christian beauty queen mother was
the only beautiful one in the family. I unlearned the idea that orgasm was
for other people and not for me. I also unlearned the ejaculation was
something guys do, but that's an entirely different story.
Well you know those two lovers gave me something. And no, I'm not talking
about the restraining order I had to get when one of them tried to hunt me
down with my stolen hand-gun after I left. (Opps. Another story there.)
Something really precious was mine forever. Those two gave me the support I
needed to experience real pleasure with my body & soul and I didn't have to
go on a diet, buy the latest shade of MAC lipstick or wear that one set of
high heels that look so damn good but hurts my toes so badly.
It's funny the way the latest hype is that you are responsible for your own
orgasm. It's not a bad line, really. But the truth is if it weren't for
those two people I'm not sure I'd know what my orgasm looked like let alone
wonder where it was by 10pm at night. So yea, at 33, I officially know how
to wind my clock, sexology is my middle name and I never met a sex toy I
didn't like which is probably why I now run a sex toy store. But it wasn't
easy, it took more than 12 steps and the road maps were wrong.
By the way, the one with the gun is now one of my dearest friends. Not
uncoincidentally she made it through a 12 step plan and that probably
helped. And the truth is we still have the hots for each other ten years
later. I'm probably gonna have to do something about that some time soon. In
the meantime, anyone seen my vibrator?
Cordially,
Nikole J. Johnson
CEO, Athena Media, Inc.
ScarletVenus.com
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