Before you think Gracie is going to preach the virtues of 'retaliation,' such as 'if he cheats, get even,' let me assure you that I am not going there (this time anyway).
This time, I am hoping to head that affair off at the pass.
Let's talk about that age-old complaint (be it true or not) that men have: women don't put out enough.
As discussed virtually everywhere, women take longer to get in the mood, have more pressures to be 'Super Woman' and do so much, that it leaves little room for desire. So what's a guy to do to get his lady in the mood?
Now, I know that it is mostly women here, and most of us *know* this, but maybe seeing it in print will not only help you identify what is 'missing' but you can cut & paste this article into an email, and send it the object you'd like to desire...
We have two basic problems thwarting our abilities to feel sexy: lack of feeling desired for ourselves & a lack of energy.
Part of feeling desirable is how we feel about ourselves. So girls, be sure you are showing yourself that you know you are worthy of time spent on yourself. Plan time for yourself. Make plans to do things that you like, just for you, and keep those 'dates' with yourself. (You wouldn't let a friend down by canceling at the last minute or just not showing up, so treat yourself at least that good!)
Now, as for what he can do...
#1 Be supportive of her time. When she tries to make those plans for herself, don't belittle them. Help her feel that those 'dates' are important, because she is! Encourage her time 'alone' ~ it is good for both of you!
#2 Think back on your first dates together... Did you always do what you wanted? Chances are if you bagged her, the answer is 'no.' So don't do it now. Back in the beginning you probably did things you normally didn't do, like browse in book shoppes, or see 'chick flicks.' Do you still do that? If you find yourself saying 'no' and leaving to watch a different television program instead of sitting through one of her 'dumb' shows, you are missing out on time with her.
#3 Learn to articulate. Tell her how much you like and admire who she is as a person. No more, 'I married you, didn't I?' attitude. Tell her why you did! Tell her specific things you honestly love about her. Her humor, her intelligence, her kindness to others. Make a point to tell her one thing at least once a week. This makes her feel that you appreciate her as a person, that you recognize how special she is!
#4 Take her in your arms, in a non-sexual way, and say something 'sweet.' You don't have to be some sort of poet. You need not be romantic at all. Just hold her close, and tell her you appreciate how patient & caring she is, or her loyalty. If you can, do it every day, but at least once a week. (Note: in the beginning try to refrain from comments on her appearance ~ she may take that as 'pressure' and you will end up in a fight! After a bit she will trust that this is not a ploy for sex.)
#5 Notice things. Ok, so you can't notice that she just came back from the salon with 4 inches of hair cut off, but you should notice things like her mood. Take some time to tell her you notice that she seems upset by her work situation (or fill in the problem). Take some time to comment on her happiness. We like to feel that you are 'in tune' with us. (At some point anyway.)
#6 Tell the world. Ok, maybe not the world, but praise her in public. Hearing you honestly tell a buddy, an in-law, etc., how lucky you feel to have this glorious creature in your life, well, there are little stronger aphrodisiacs! Don't go overboard. Just share your happiness at being with her with others.
#7 Ok, now not to confuse you regarding #4, tell her in a specific way how attractive she is. Don't force it, and only say it when you feel it. Never, ever start with 'you know last Tuesday you looked pretty' or 'I really like those black jeans you never wear anymore.' (Heavens, I hope I need not have to explain why! Just don't do it!) Just the next time you see her and she 'moves' you, stop the impulse to paw at her, and use your words. Be specific, 'Sue, your smile is so pretty.' Keep the compliments focused on her, not her attire, & you won't land yourself in trouble.
#8 Go out of the way for her. Do something that shows effort! Expend time, energy even money on things to show you were thinking of her. When she asks you for a favor, do it. You once felt you could never live without her, now show her, damnit! Spend an afternoon looking for that hard to find perfume or book. Write her a note. It doesn't have to be a love letter (but if you feel the urge, go for it!), you can just leave a note saying you hope she has a good day! Do other things, such as pick up the dry cleaning, and tell her you did it because you know how busy she is & you wanted to lighten her load. (Wow, maybe this is stronger than #6...)
Summing It Up
What you have just read is a basic 'how to flirt' article. Yes, that is flirting! Think about how you (successfully) approached a woman at a party... You were sincere, focused on her, and attentive, just like the actions listed above are!
Part Two: Lack of Energy
By doing many of the things above, you are actually helping this solve problem too!
In #1, you are helping her manage her time. Focusing on herself means she isn't running errands for a neighbor, or working overtime. She will have time to refresh herself as a person!
In #2, she no longer has to feel that she has to stifle her own interests in order to spend time with you. (A major energy drain!)
In #3 through 7, you are making her feel good about herself as a person. This will result in a more positive attitude towards herself & you. She will not feel the need to take on extra responsibilities to 'prove' she is a good person. When you feel good about yourself, you have more energy. And we all like to spend time with people who think we are special... So she will have more energy, and she won't sign up for volunteer work at church ~ She will want to spend that extra time & energy on you!
In #8, you have done some of the above, as well as actually given her extra time! If you get the dry cleaning, or pick up milk on the way home, she doesn't have to. ;)
Wrapping It Up
Take action to show her you care, and her feelings of being unappreciated, or taken for granted, will go away (at least with you!). Once there is that shift in her feeling appreciated, loved & cared for, her desire to be intimate with you will increase.
So, be good to your 'goose' and she'll begin to take a 'gander' at you ~ with bedroom eyes!
With much affection,