La Blue Girl - Sex~Kitten.net

Miko Mido discovers that she is the last in a line of supernatural sex ninjas ~ & she must use her master of martial arts sexcraft to save humanity from the perverted hordes of the underworld.

It’s a premise I could adore.

But it’s anime. Which means no matter the adult content, there is something pubescent about it all.

“You will submit to my lust roots!” (Plural, remember!)
“Oh! Split me in half with it!”

It’s so male, so “I’m gonna fuck you ‘til you like it,” complete with women who whimper with one touch, that it’s annoying.

Wait a minute. I just realized that’s how most porn goes!

So, to be fair, let’s look at La Blue Girl as I would any porno flick. It does have more of a plot than typical porn. It may be a bit more confusing, and it’s subtitled too, which can distract from the visuals, but it does have a plot. And, as I mentioned, the super-sex-heroine-who-must-fuck-for-world-safety is cool, if a bit campy. (And I love camp!)

But how’s the sex? If you like forced-sex fantasies, if you like things hardcore, and don’t mind non-human sex, then this is rather delightful ~ if in a disturbing, choppy manner.

Since it’s hentai, you can ~ no you are encouraged~ ~ to be as dark as you’d like.

And I like dark. So sue me.

If you like dark, you may view a clip by clicking on the image to the right:

View A Clip from La Blue Girl Anime Video

We only viewed the first part of this series, which makes me wonder if other volumes are better done...

Or maybe I just want to find out who the hell 'that Maria chick' is ~ She just shows up at the end & then fades out. Is is some suedo Christian insert, like the Virgin Mary? Or is she the real holder of the ultimate warrior sexcraft? Maybe she's some left-over cells that got stuck in. But we didn't see her bouncy breats or attempts at her violation... I feel cheated there.

To be honest, this whole anime/hentia thing intrigues me, so watch for more reviews as I try to make up my mind.

We found our copy of La Blue Girl at a Christian-run thrift shop. Despite the repeated obvious sleeve warnings and the sexually suggestive cover art, it was priced low and stuck in with the other cartoons. The sentence "You can pick out a movie if you promise to let mommy shop in peace" could easily have gotten this thrift shop on the front page of the Star-Tribune, but luckily for the public at large I swiftly recognized the title and grabbed it.

Now, the question is -- was it a worthy grab?

The movie opens with ninja fighting. Blades flashing, blood gushing, people running. The movie seems to be starting with a bang, immediate action and gore and tension. Swords swipe, and the pursued ninja gasps painfully --

-- and her clothes EXPLODE AWAY, exposing her naked body. The other ninjas violate her. While exploding ninja clothes caused a small eruption of laughter from both Gracie and myself, we settled in to watch a few moments of pleasant ninja rape.

We began to discover that adding "ninja" makes any word all the more powerful. Ninja fighting leads to ninja exploding clothes, ninja rape, and eventually ninja laundry and shopping for ninja groceries. The ninjas proceed into ninja cunnilingus and ninja penetration, and presumably a ninja orgasm or two are on the way.

Next up is a ninja rescue. Another, more powerful femininja stands on a tree branch and jestures with a magical box.

The box summons up a demon who uses it's nimble demon penises to kill the evil ninjas. Blood spurts, and the naked lady ninja is saved. Note to self: Ninjas control demon penis tenticles. I had no idea Japanese culture was so deep!

Thankfully, that's the last of tenticle penis death in the movie.

No, it's not the end of penis tentacles -- just penis tentacle DEATH. That's because the leading lady, Miko Mido, is a ninja being schooled in the tactics of sexcraft. She and her ninja clan have been controlling the demon phalluses for centuries, making sure they only use their evil penises against those who truly, truly deserve it.

Suddenly, in Miko's presence, a rival ninja clan steals the only means for controlling the demons -- the magical signet case! With the magical box in hand, the evil ninjas decide the only person who truly, truly deserves hundreds of dripping demon penises is Miko herself.

Deep, deep, buried DEEP in this storyline is something worthwhile: The lead character must prove herself and gain control of the one thing she's lost control of by confronting the thing itself. There's an allegory of budding sexuality in this, an insightful commentary on a young woman recognizing the power in her sexuality, if only she learns how to control it through experimentation.

Someone, a person no doubt of infinite wisdom, decided that this allegory needed huge monstrous penises, the girth of a person's thigh and hundreds of feet long. Oh, and ninjas. Ninjas, rape, and monster-cock all clarify the internal conflict of unbridled sexual tensions.

Actually, I gotta tell you the truth: believing that there's some thoughtful concept guiding La Blue Girl is the only way I can get to sleep tonight. I mean, for god's sake...it's a cartoon all about huge penises raping young women! Let's think about that for a moment.

No, stop thinking about it -- something about the way you look tells me you're not quite on the same page as me.

GOOD NINJAS once used DEMONS to RAPE THE EVIL NINJAS. However, now the EVIL NINJAS use DEMONS to RAPE THEIR ENEMIES, who happen to be TEENAGED GIRLS.

See, this is what I'm talking about. If not for perverted interest, La Blue Girl wouldn't be as popular as it is. There's a significant portion of hentai conniseurs who see that previous sentence as a turn-on.

Do I understand it? Of course not. There wasn't a single lucid moment in the entire movie. It zips from one thing to another, barely stopping long enough to really understand what's going on. There are a few 'hot' scenes: girls stripping to underwear in a classroom, lots of upskirt panty shots, and a close-call with some actual human-on-human contact between Miko's sister and a movie director. Unfortunately, that was cut short by a demon with a huge penis.

Once the monster phalluses start flying, though, time slows to a standstill and we're subjected to watching a 8" thick firehose pump in and out of a stylized vulva. For several minutes. From different angles. Over and over. Oh, then one enters her mouth, and we get to watch that for a while. Somehow the demon is vanquished and we're tossed into more zipping. Scenes fly past one another, barely stopping for a few lines of dialogue. Whoops! More flailing green penises. Let's stop for a few minues and examine the penetration in excruciating detail.

Somehow, the movie ends, introducing some new characters who stand by and look important. One may or may not have had something to do with the rescue of the main characters, but they don't really say -- that character didn't have any tenticle penises (that we can see at least), so she didn't warrant much discussion.

The movie only lasted 45 minutes, happily ending the horrible experience swiftly. I'd ask for a Director's Cut, a version that goes into greater detail about who the hell these characters are and what they're doing -- but asking for another 45 minutes of film would probably only get me 45 more minutes of tentacle rape.

There is a sequel, and I don't doubt it's the same sort of thing. Gracie suggested that we go see if our friendly neighborhood porn shoppe offered La Blue Girl 2, under the misguided hope that the sequel will explain something. I don't think it will -- given the tone and pace of number 1, I don't think watching any more La Blue Girl will get us anything.

Well, we'd get to watch more tentacle porn, but there's only so much a person can take!