|
Meat Puppets As a woman of slender proportions, I do not have large breasts. And I know it will shock the shit out of many here, but I don't want them. If just one more person, well-intentioned or not, mentions a boob job, I swear, I will become completely unglued.
That means you, old lady in the bra department.
That means you, dear sis-in-law.
That means you, snobby lady in the swimwear department.
That means you, drunken asshole at the bar.
And yes, that means you, if you dare to post a message reminding me how 'natural' they look & how much lovelier I’d be -- implying my anger over this issue is some sort of jealousy or deep-seated self-loathing.
My bitchy attitude is not a result of my small tits.
It may in part be something to do with others telling me how I’d feel, but it ain’t about my ‘mosquito bite’ breasts.
It is ‘t about the health risks (cuz give me a few years, I’m sure I’ll go under the knife for some vain reason), nor is it about money (if there’s a will, there’s a way). No, I just have the audacity to love my breasts the way they are.
As a sister to 3 brothers, I once enjoyed daily games of hoops in the driveway -- and I still play horse or one-on-one with them now & then... body slams & all. Who needs that extra mass in the way?
As a foul mouthed feminist bitch, I need to run sometimes, and I enjoy the fact that I don’t have the excess baggage of meat swinging to slow me down or bruise me.
As a woman who has never had to feel pain in my back from carrying large meat puppets around, I rejoice in small breasts.
As a woman who has never had to worry about swingin’ too freely in front of company, I have relished my freedom to go braless, no matter who’s around.
As woman, I feel confident in myself, my body. And that means I feel no urge to conform to some Barbie doll, or silicone standard. If you’ve got ‘em, by God or other means, feel free to enjoy them, by all means. Lord knows I enjoy my own - both sight & touch.
I don’t walk around suggesting your size is too impractical for me, so please, don’t start in on the itty-bitty-tittie-committee jokes designed to make me feel worthless or less than female.
I just won’t fall for it. And if you go too far, you’d better be prepared for a punch above the belt from me.
| 
Email Article
Print Article
Discuss This (4 Comments)
Del.icio.us
Furl
Technorati
Yahoo! My Web
Reddit
Column Archives
Column RSS Subscription
