The First Time is a Try-Out

The first time has been billed as ’magical,’ and is often used as a way to rank at the highest level - as in “It was just as great as the first time” sentiments. It has all the hype & anticipation of a projected Hollywood blockbuster, which all too often, leaves me with a ‘this is it?’ feeling.

In my experience, & for most women, their first time is a bit anti-climactic -- even if they saw the sun, the moon, the stars, & if the earth moved. Let me tell you why.

If it was a symphony in sensual seduction, it only leaves the doorway open for disappointment. And it’s not just due to over-selling the act. For a man on a mission will do anything, and I mean anything, everything, to make sure this deal goes through.

There is kissing, there is foreplay, there are moments, nay hours spent making sure that you don’t - can’t - say ‘no.’

Then, the next time, you are a ‘done deal,’ a ‘given,’ and they feel no real need to seduce you as before.

Do I sound bitter? I am. And if you do not understand, it must be because you have never had the experience of being completely swept away with a lover on your first encounter, only to find that he will never, ever repeat that effort again. Now that he’s gotten ‘in,’ he feels he has no need of foreplay & seductive charms ever again. Instead of thrilling kisses & erotic nibbles that make your panties wet, you find yourself staring at a man with his hands trying to free willy as he says ‘wanna go?’ during a commercial break.

Funny that men who are generally more sports oriented don’t view sex less as one-trick-wonder & more like a winning season where they not only score, but ‘wow’ the crowd, game after game.

Based on the comments of many men I know, the first time is all about claiming new territory. It is about conquest, anticipation realized, & ‘getting it.’ It’s all about getting to score.

Sex should be about perfecting your game, not about the first score.

And that doesn’t mean you should hold back for that first time. It does mean you shouldn’t show the coach things that you either cannot do, nor those you have no intention of doing again.

The other reason why the first time is considered less than some dreamy scene of perfection is that the first time two lovers attempt to play the game, it is a fumbling mess.

Based on each individuals height, will things line up as you expect? Who likes to be nibbled where, exactly how much pressure should be applied & at what perfect moment, & how long can you do that without chaffing?

Hell, it’s like a scrimmage really. It’s a practice play where you can size each other up, get an idea of how to put it all together for the real game later on. And if you’re good enough, you’re invited back to go for the championship.

The good news is that your first time is pass or fail. You should feel less pressure with this knowledge. Your selection for the team is on the line here, but it’s not like if it isn’t perfection, not the ultimate in body bliss, that you’ll never get to try again. Many a player has made the team just for his winning attitude, willingness to learn, & yes, for sucking up to the coach.

Show us what you’ve got. Prove to us this isn’t a one-time-fluke, and you might be lucky enough earn the championship title. One day.

If this seems like a lot of work, it is. All the champions will tell you it is.

It’s not that I hate the first time. I just want more statistical data. I want to know your performance isn’t a one-time-wonder. Can you repeat it? Or (and this is my hope) can you improve upon it? So I’ll reserve judgment until we’ve had a few match-ups.

I don’t look forward to the first time. If you are doing your work right, I am looking forward to having you to make the hall of fame.