First Time Expectations
The first time I went to work as a professional sex worker, I learned an important Sex Kitten lesson about expectations & reality.
As with most first times ~ at anything ~ we all experience anxiety. On the way to meet my first client as an escort, it was no different.
I worried that I wouldn’t be big enough here, small enough there, that I wouldn’t be sexy enough. I wouldn’t be smart enough, I wouldn’t be witty enough. Was my voice husky enough ~ too husky? Would I be ’good’ enough? What if he expected me to be able to swing from chandeliers?
I was terrified at the prospect of performing, that I wouldn’t be his-type-enough...
What had me particularly concerned was that this client was a regular. He called in at least once a week, looking for a ‘new girl.’
While other clients had types (big breasts, blondes, tall girls, Asian girls, etc), this client always wanted a new girl, a different girl.
It is easy to tell yourself that a man who calls requesting someone of your build, or your particular specialty (if you have one), is going to like you. After all, You Fit the Bill (or the John, Henry etc *giggle*).
But a man who just wants new, a man who has professionals as a weekly entertainment, well, it was difficult for me to say ‘That’s me!’ It was my first time with a client, and I wasn’t even sure if this was work I could do, would like, let alone that I would excel at.
But really, I had no reason to worry. While his fetish wasn’t as clear as ‘big boobs’ or ‘bdsm,’ he had a fetish all the same: He had a First Time Fetish.
A First Time Fetish person is no different than a person with a breast fetish, a foot fetish or any other fetish. He has a desire, he called and placed an order for that desire, and I was on my way...
While I coaxed myself into believing this was no big deal, he was waiting ~ excited, with a raging hard-on that didn‘t leave until I relieved him of it.
Since I was ‘new,’ I had already fulfilled his expectations & desires.
It sounds too simple to be true, but it is.
For you see, all he wanted was ‘new.’ He didn’t require any other criteria. And to him, that’s what I delivered.
I didn’t have to be anything else. Not the best, not the chandelier-swinger. Just new to him.
Sometimes in life when we face a new lover, we worry that we are not ‘enough’ ~ or at least not enough of what they want. But we forget that we were already chosen.
They have walked around town, they have met other people. They have had other conversations. And they have selected you. Even if they have asked others ~ accepted or not ~ they have asked you. Asked you to be there. You. Just as you are.
As long as you have not misrepresented yourself, not said you were something or someone you are not, your invitation to intimacy is your stamp of approval.
You are fulfilling their desired just as if they called the agency & asked for you. You already are desired.
Maybe what your potential lover says he desires, in general or about you, seems too simple. Maybe you think that the simple wish would be enough if you were taller, shorter, thinner, more curvaceous, whatever. But honestly, it really can be just that simple.
It’s a lesson that has been proven to me over & over again.
Instead of worriying that a new lover will be uncomfortable with my past, or may have unrealisitic expectations because of that, I remember that situation, that lesson.
I remember that I was selected to fulfill a desire. And then I fulfill it. Completely. Secure in the knowledge that I wouldn’t have gotten that far if I wasn’t already the ‘it’ he wanted.
So don’t let your first time be affected by insecurities that you aren’t going to measure up. Relax in the knowledge that you are desired, just as you are.