The Gift of Lingerie

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Men want to give it, but do women want to receive it?

Some folks say there are two kinds of women: lingerie lovers & the practical cotton/flannel set. I disagree. All women love lingerie, or at least Sex Kittens do. (Which would mean there are two kinds of women then: Sex Kittens & the Non-Sex Kittens ~ which we don’t know so much about. But we’ll presume the reason you are here is that you have, or want to have, a Sex Kitten on your gift list.)

It’s holiday season. A time of year that can send the average red-blooded male into a cold sweat at the prospect of gift selection for his lady. It doesn’t help matters when there are disseminators of false information running their mouths (or keyboards) off spouting false information.

Folks like MP Dunleavey. She, and yes, this advice comes from a woman. wrote at MSN that lingerie was one of the ‘15 Worst Holiday Gift Ideas.’ Referring to lingerie as a ‘trap,’ she wrote the following:

My husband passes along this lesson learned from hard experience: Never buy lingerie for a woman unless she has ripped out the page from the Victoria's Secret catalog and circled the exact item herself. If she opens a box and sees something that looks like a black satin hanky, it just opens up a can of worms: "Why does he want me to wear that? Does he need me to look trashy? Doesn't he like me the way I am? Next thing you know he'll want me to wear a blond wig and fishnet stockings like a streetwalker!" You can go from surprise to Splitsville in five or six mental leaps. Way too expensive on sooooo many levels.

*sigh* Ms Dunleavy is obviously not a Sex Kitten.

If Ms Dunleavy believes that black satin & lace look like a ‘hanky’ & that wearing it makes her ‘trashy,’ well, I personally feel badly for her. Many women love how such a ‘hanky’ feels & looks on them. If she thinks ‘fishnets’ equal ‘streetwalker,’ it’s her math, not the math of all women. (Or if it is the same math, some of us delight in feeling like a streetwalker now & then *giggle*) If she jumps to the conclusion that a gift of lingerie means that her man doesn’t ‘like her the way she is,’ I’d say she jumped to a poor conclusion when she should have jumped for joy! For we Sex Kittens know that a lover’s gift of lingerie means he adores us ‘as we are,’ and wants to play peek-a-boo with seeing more of it. What a wonderful feeling to be so adored!

Women love lingerie. Even the flannel wearing woman loves lingerie. Each has it's own time & place.

Some lingerie isn’t meant to be slept in. Tangled legs in long gowns, be they cotton or silk... Breasts that don‘t stay in cups, the under-wires creeping up to your neck as you sleep.... And you don’t want to imagine how painful it is to sleep in a twisted thong teddy. *shudder* But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want pretty satin & lace to play in.

There is a time for warm & snuggly comfort, and a time for silky bits that barely cover silky bits.

If there is a time & a place for everything, your specific woman will have her own rules about them too ~ the trick is to find out her rules.

It may sound daunting. Like another ‘Women are From Venus’ deal. But it isn’t, I assure you. She leaves more clues than Hansel & Gretel left bread crumbs. Here are some clues to look for:

What types of lingerie does she currently own? It’s time to play panty raid. Open her drawers & look at what she has. First, sizes. Bra size is the combination of a number & a letter. Panty size will probably be something like 5, 6, 7, or 8 (which loosely translates to Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large). You can be certain that she'll have a bit of a range in sizes ~ this is due to different makers, possible size difference in varying styles, etc. Just note what you can as quickly as you can & move on to the next step.

Compare what is in the drawer to what you see her wear. A drawer full of delicates you have never seen her wear may mean one of two things ~ either she doesn’t really enjoy those fashions, or these are the wrong size. It’s always best to compare sizes on the items that she does wear with the sizes of the items relegated to the drawer items.

What you see is what you should get ~ or at least a very good guide.

If you’ve only seen her in long gowns, flannel or lace, don’t go for crotch-less panties or a thong teddy. You can delight both of you with a small change in say neckline or length, but not a vast change it style & taste.

Media consumption clues: If you both flip through lingerie magazines together, pay attention to what she says. Yes, stop drooling long enough to listen. Her comments will tell you what she likes. Yes, you ought to listen to her comments about the models themselves as well. It may sound like a catty comment, but perhaps her ‘bitching’ about the model’s hips is a clue that she wouldn’t feel comfortable in that item because her hips are not that shape or proportion. Take in her comments, & in your mind, compare her figure to the model’s to see if they are similar or not.

If you don’t have the magazine shopping opportunity, all is not lost. Consider the vast amount of lingerie in movies & television. Notice her comments & file the information away. Even her general viewing habits can be a clue. If she’s a classic film fan, consider a long romantic peignoir set. If she’s a retro girl, consider corsets, garters & bullet bras. If she’s ultra contemporary, look for fun bra & panty sets.

Your sex life: Obviously, your sex life offers clues to the lingerie of her dreams. Role play & other games offer the opportunity for more than leather fetish wear. For example, virginal white & lace can say (or is that ‘play?’) a lot.

If you don’t know her well enough to see these clues, you are likely not the one to be giving her a gift of lingerie to begin with. There’s a reason why lingerie is often called Intimate Apparel: It’s not just the proximity of the apparel to the skin it’s on, but it defines the relationship between the gift giver & the gift receiver as well.

Still need more help? Read our other lingerie help guides.

PS Edible underwear is *not* lingerie. It is a sex toy. More on the giving of sex toys to come ~ err, we mean we’ll discuss that gift idea later!


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