Chaz: The Interview - Sex~Kitten.net

Throughout her life, Chaz has lived in Philadelphia,New York,London, San Francisco, Fire Island, Shelter Island, Garrison, NY and the Hamptons. Chaz has Traveled for business and/or pleasure in Rome, Milan, Bologna, Florence, Tuscany, Paris, Amsterdam, Hong Kong, Canton, Korea, Alaska, Hawaii, Hamburg, Berlin, East Berlin, West Berlin, Tokyo, Singapore, Puerto Rico, Mexico and every state in the USA expect for Wyoming and Montana.

Needless to say, she has learned quite a bit in her travels. As an out butch lesbian for her entire life, she has experienced alot.

Chaz has never hid the fact that she is a lesbian, and as she worked her way up to a prominent place on the corporate ladder, she has always been respected. We here at Sappho’s can tell that this is because she has demanded respect and would accept nothing less. She should serve as an inspiration to younger women struggling for acceptance with their lesbian identities.

In this interview I decided to pose some of the tough questions to Chaz...

Out of all of the places that you have lived, which did you find to be the most comfortable to be openly gay, and which did you find the most difficult and why?

San Francisco is the most comfortable. Because of all of the work that was done by Harvey Milk in the political movement of the 60’s which raised gay awareness and brought gay issues and gay community and gay family into part of the political system in San Francisco. Because this was happening at the same time that the hippie culture, music scene and art scene were happening it brought with it many incentives and reasons for gay people to move to San Francisco. A result of this is that it became a Mecca that followed the path of "safety in numbers."

What started out as just being safety in numbers became a part of the natural social balance of San Francisco.. Heterosexuals who were born and raised in the city grew up with a natural exposure that made those people get to know people who were gay. It made being gay not out of the norm. Take for example the balance of gay to heterosexual people within a city. If the balance is 60% hetero and 40% gay it forces more of a one on one social interaction on a day to day basis. Because of this, people get to know each other on a one to one basis. It is no longer "That gay person"... It’s "My neighbors Bob and Tom" which then fosters an environment of understanding and caring. People no longer see the differences but rather see the similarities. Things like hatred and intolerance almost become more shocking to people thus they are not inclined to be that way.

Now, the worst city that you have lived in...taking into account that you are not only a lesbian but a very butch woman in both physical appearance and attitude. Have you ever been in a situation where you feared for your safety or felt trapped in a place that was unfriendly to gays?

I can't necessarily say a state or a city anywhere in America. What I have noticed is that it’s sort of suburbia ANYWHERE. The difference between the way people interacted with me in New York city and the way they Reacted to me 40 miles away in upstate New York is very different. One time while taking a commuter train from upstate New York into Manhattan, I was almost thrown off the train for trying to use a female monthly pass. The conductor kept saying to me in a loud voice "What do you think your getting away with young man? This a female monthly pass." I said "You are making an embarrassing mistake." Finally I had to open my suit jacket and show him my tits and his jaw dropped and he said "Oh" and walked away. From then on I drove into the city.

Basically I think it’s just a lack of exposure to feminine men and masculine women that tends to freak people out. I have to say I have never feared for my safety due to sexuality at all. I think that being on my own since I was 16 and being street smart and savvy I know how to put on a certain walk or a certain look if I am in a certain area. I have a certain street front that I can put up that I think has kept that stuff at bay. I don't know if it is the tough guy persona or a culmination of street smarts. I suppose I have been lucky to have never feared for my safety in that area.

What are your opinions of the recent Sapphos topic of Home Grown Terrorism and the religious right’s crusade?

In my mind, I think when anybody lives in fear that that in fact is a form of terrorism. I think that there are a lot of things that minority groups of people have lived with since the beginning of time and it’s all based in hatred . Hatred and terrorism are the same thing to me. Whether its homosexuality, bigotry, anti-Semitism, racism...it’s all based in hatred yet people have never recognized it on such a grand scale as they are now. Historically, people have been killed, shamed, made wrong and imprisoned in the name of religion. When one person tries to put their religious beliefs on another person I truly feel that that is the true meaning of terrorism... which is what I strongly felt that that article was talking about. When you get down to the basic core of human nature there are two core emotions: love and hatred and I think the religious right in America is totally based in hatred.

While we are on this subject, lets touch on a few specifics of the religious rights crusade. Gays should not be allowed to marry. What would be your rebuttal against this?

Say’s who? That’s my rebuttal. Haha. Well, seriously the whole concept of "It says so in the Bible" is just ridiculous. These people are pulling out a religion and using it as a defense for their fear based disapproval of homosexuality. Go back and pull it from the writings of Krishna. Go back and pull it from the teachings of Buddha. There are many, many religions. How can anything that is based in love be wrong? How anyone can argue with that is beyond me.

What advice would you give to a gay teenager living in the Bible belt of our country? It’s a very hard situation to be in and a lot of depression, suicide and alcoholism are a result of living in a place that is incredibly against who you are. What would be your best advice as to how to deal with this?

Get the hell out of there. In a place where you fear for your safety in terms of coming out, being older and wiser now I would NOT say to someone BE POLITICAL! FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS! COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! because you are too young in a sense to take care of yourself.

My best advice would be to get a little bit of experience and time under your belt, find as many kindred spirits as you can and keep them as a support group. Use any safe resources as you can around you. There are numerous Internet resources. The main thing is to find others that are like yourself but be careful. I think we can’t forget that things like Matthew Shepards life being taken in Lamarie wasn’t in the stone ages. It was just four or five years ago. I think you have to be very careful who you have around you. Its unfortunate, but as a younger person you are more vulnerable. You want to choose a college where there are communities for you. It’s all about time really. It all comes down to an analogy of a bird preparing to leave the nest. You should be so incredibly excited that there will come a time when you can leave that town your in.

You consider yourself married. What makes a good lesbian marriage? I also see that you refer to your partner as "wife." Some lesbians find it offensive when committed lesbians use heterosexual terms to define their union. What would you say to them?

To the question of lesbian marriage: I don't think there is any difference in a successful lesbian marriage than there is in a heterosexual marriage. At least according to mine.

I think a successful marriage is when each person loves and cares for their mate with the same passion, honor and respect. It’s important to be equal emotionally and intellectually. I think its important for a couple to be comfortable in their role that each of them brings to the marriage. I think being unconditional is a very big part of it. To have similar values about life and family is a big part of it. The feeling that the sharing your life with someone on a daily basis makes you a better person is extremely important to me...and a big part of my decision to propose marriage to my partner whom I choose to call my wife.

We don’t define our relationship by anyone else's opinion or traditional values except for those that are available to us within society. Human beings in general, regardless of gender, have feminine as well as masculine qualities. Emotionally and physically my partner is more a feminine spirit and energy and I am more of a masculine energy... which puts us in a butch/femme relating situation. I think that we really do relate to each other in our marriage with a very healthy balance of male/female stereotypes. So you can call it whatever you want. You can say that it’s emulating heterosexual relationships however that is not our intention. That is just our core base as people. If the lesbian community would find that offensive I can’t apologize for something that makes me extremely happy. If there was another word to use I don’t know what it is and I’ve never heard it.

Would you be happier if a gay marriage law was passed that made your marriage a legal one?

I wouldn’t be "happier" because I am already extremely happy. However, it would make me feel legally that if anything ever happened to me that my wife would be secure. Legal bonds and paper work does not make a relationship stronger, last longer and it doesn't make it more secure. I don't think that a legal piece of paper can do that. Its up to each individual to express and represent their union as a non negotiable priority in their life. I think that the benefits are more material benefits and peace of mind benefits in terms of making your partner next of kin... which is what every heterosexual marriage has. To provide a secure legal situation for children, housing, insurance etc. etc. we need and deserve those rights. All human beings deserve the same rights, respect and honor under the law. Emotionally and spiritually however I don’t think a piece of paper offers anything additional.

Any closing words or thoughts for our readers?

Never apologize for who you are. Honor and respect yourself and others will follow suit.