Dirty Found Things
What happens after you toss that suggestive Valentine’s Day invitation out the window? What happens to your sex contract after it has become null & void?
...or worse yet, what happens to those nude photos!
If I am lucky, someone finds your dirty things, & sends them on into 'Dirty Found.'
The makers of Found Magazine have entered into a new phase with the launch of Dirty Found Magazine, and let me tell you, it’s a hoot!
If you’ve been living under a rock, and don’t know what Found is or does, let me explain the simple process: Personal stuff is lost. It is then found by complete strangers, then posted & published for all to see.
And now, thank the goddess, they do it with smut:
"We collect Dirty Found stuff: pervy Polaroids, sleazy birthday cards, raunchy to-do lists, nasty poetry on napkins, illustrations-- anything that gives a glimpse into someone else's sex life."
Folks that find the ’gems’ also include a note on when & where it was found. It's not that they are honestly trying to find the owners, it just adds to the weirdness. (And I doubt that anyone would come forward now...)
For example, Lisa Brown sent in a snapshot of what appears to be a man wearing thigh-highs & a black t-shirt. Nothing else. Oh, and he’s in what can be best described as a ‘cheesy motel.’
Lisa wrote: "...and now, here it is... whatever it is! I found it outside my car in the parking lot of Starbucks in Natick, MA on October 1st. I’ve wrapped it in the original napkin I used to pick it up off the ground. I didn’t really want to touch it. I kept looking around to see if anyone was looking to see if I would pick it up. I held on to it for a couple of weeks because I thought about all of the practical jokes I could use it for. For instance, dropping it out of my wallet onto the counter when I went to pay for something or dropping it on the ground behind someone and then saying “hey you dropped something” and then hand it to them... but I started getting worried that someone would find it in my possession, and ultimately I decided that, for the greater good, it belonged in your hands (but don’t touch it) and in your magazine."
Yes, Lisa, you did the right thing.
Lisa adds a handwritten PS to her typed letter, which deeply underscores her fierce desperation & near hysteria: PS I don’t want it back!
Jason Bitner carefully selects submissions for the highest quality dirty finds.
It’s not all pretty (as if!) pictures. Included are many handwritten notes, rough sketches, homework, erotica, diary entries, & plenty of other non-pictorial paper.
(Hint: The next time you put one of those dirty notes or sexy pics in his wallet to surprise him, make sure he knows to open his wallet carefully...)
Stand out items are:
A ‘rejected for being inappropriate’ reply letter to a classified personal ad.
“Tony’s” anti-masturbation contract (bonus points for being discovered in a Kiss record sleeve!).
The note Carrie found on her bicycle seat (and yes, it begins with 'I wish my face was your bicycle seat')
Several pages of 'hot' journal entries ~ we hope 'Daddy' is a nickname & not really a familial relationship!
It’s not just about the 125 dirty finds. It’s not about the slick job Jason does to put it all together in a book (they call it a magazine, but it’s an oversized softcover). What is fascinating is to ponder upon the following points:
Who created the smut?
What was the purpose of said smut?
Did they really think they were sexy?
Oh, yes, and it is even fun to ponder ‘Who would enjoy such second hand smut?’
(The answer to the last one is 'me!' It’s a fun little trip to naughtyville, & it has my name on it!)
It’s ephemera for the lurid & the lusty. It’s an anthropologist’s goldmine ~ for the artifacts themselves, where they end up, as well as a study in how finders react.
It’s just plain fun.
As Kat McCurry wrote, announcing her find of the images that appear in a two-page spread of made-at-home ’artistic’ photos: “I found these pictures over the course of a year (1997-1998) in Louisville, KY. The(y) were found cut out like you see them. The film was processed in the late 1970’s & early ’80’s. Why did they appear in the late ’90’s? Why the granny-panties? So many questions...”
Yes, Kat, so many questions...
You can buy issues, subscribe & take part in 'Dirty Found Magazine'. Visit their website for details on how you can add to the next issue. Remember, it’s better to have found the dirty, than to be the dirty in Found.
Review by Gracie.