Agescapes - Sex~Kitten.net

In order to fit in with this issue’s collective thought process, I am supposed to write about the whole younger/older woman/man relationship thing. I’m rather pissed off at all men right now…so to be honest, I am not sure I can speak in defense of either.

I’ve never dated (or married) a man that was my own age. Granted, it seems a few years would make little difference. Let me assure you…it does.

Prior to my most recent break up, a rather heartbreaking escapade indeed, I had always (with one exception) dated (and married) men who were younger then me. For women older then me…perhaps upper 30’s (?)…younger men might just be the ticket to a happy, fulfilling life. But, at 28, I’ve decided that dating younger men is as painful as having an ingrown toenail removed. As excruciating as a full on Sex in the City bikini wax. As annoying as mosquito that feasts upon your flesh in the middle of the night.

Younger men are notoriously unemployed. Or unemployable. Or between jobs. Or just “taking a break from the monotony of the workforce”. Or, if they do have jobs…they’re not really jobs. Well, high school kids would say they are jobs. But real women know that bouncing in questionable nightclubs, cooking in the restaurant. of the local dive, delivering car parts (or pizza), watching teenagers steal jeans from department stores, making dream catchers, stuffing envelopes, and babysitting are not exactly stable, well paying, have-a-future-in-this-business kind of jobs.

Younger men live with their mommy. Or daddy, respectively. Or, they live downtown in one of those college apartments…where there are 3 bedrooms…and 6 boys. Who all share a kitchen that none of them know how to use. Or clean. (And, should you ever find yourself in one of these fine establishments...do NOT use the bathroom. I would also suggest washing the jelly jar (you know – those collectable ones from Burger King?) that they give you to drink from.)

Younger men probably will not have dependable wheels. Or, if they do, Mommy and Daddy co-signed on it. And Mommy and Daddy can take said vehicle away when their son is a bad boy. Keep in mind that while your city, town or other living community MIGHT have a wonderful transit system, that coming home from a snazzy date at Steak and Shake at 2am, drunk and still damp from the club, might prove difficult. Who was in the cab before you? And can he afford a cab? Or will you be walking from the local bar back to his place…hoping Mommy and Daddy won’t wake up.

Ahhh sex. And here’s where I lose my target audience. Sex with younger men might not last very long. BUT…it’s always hard. And they can always do it again. Still, is that what you want? Insert tab A into slot B, repeat. Snore. Repeat. Smoke. Snore.

“So date older men,” you say.

All right. Let’s talk about older men. How old is older anyway? I don’t think I have ever dated anyone more than 10 years older than me. Maybe I cannot answer all of your questions? I’ll give it a go…

Older men have cars, and jobs, and maybe even some money. But they also have ex-wives, current wives, mortgages, ulcers from said job, beer bellies, children and a multitude of other “older man” responsibilities. Read ‘issues’.

I’ve recently began dating, or pretending to date, men that are older than me. My mom thought it would be a good idea. I’ve discovered a few things…

Older men like a challenge more then younger men. While a younger man might just want a quick fuck, an older man finds a woman who guards her heart…and her cunt…quite interesting. Until all of their efforts fail them. Older men still don’t have the self-esteem to let a woman be herself. While they may find her independence attractive in the beginning, an older man really wants to prove to himself that he can make a woman cum to heel. When all of the romantic dates and lovely parting gifts continue to end in a kiss on the cheek, older men get pissed off and run away. Is this some boyish return to cowardice?

I have found that while it is all right for an older man to go out and get lucky, that it is still frowned upon when a woman does the same. And if a woman chooses to remain celibate, or untied, older men – who have just cut out of a sexless 10 year marriage (or who are still in one) – wanna get laid. They want…GASP…commitment too. Now.

I’ve been very surprised to learn that older men are sometimes more childish than younger men. They’ll work very hard to get a new toy…but if they never get it, they tend to just wake up one day and convince themselves that they never wanted it anyway.

If they are not gifted with sex or words of love, older men get grumpy. The older they are, perhaps the grumpier? This was not featured in ‘Grumpier Old Men’.

Now, older men might have one thing up on younger men. They know where your clit is. Usually. And they know it’s not a piece of Trident. While they may not be up for multiple sexcapades in one night, the staying power of an older man…I’m talking older, not ancient…might make up for it. Though to be honest, I don’t know for certain. Yet. And this is assuming that the damn thing wants to play…I’ve heard that sometimes older men, no matter how convincing you are, can just not, well, participate.

In conclusion, I’ve decided that all men suck. Neither youth nor experience serves as a saving grace for anything with a penis. So…I am on the lookout for a man born on August 17th, 1976. That’s my birthday. Maybe he’ll get it.