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So several members of my family assumed I would end up marrying an older man. Their reasons may be odd, & I didn’t date anyone more than 4 years older (or younger for that matter), but in a way I thought it did have some merit. After all, I like some of the ‘finer things in life,’ and bowl-o-rama dates, playing hacky sack, & immersing myself in a mosh-pit are not part of my ‘finer things’ list.

Older men, or so I choose to believe, are more inclined to dine at an event that does not require rented shoes. They are more likely to have hobbies & interests that do not involve a gang of other young bucks out to prove some personal limits of alcohol. If you have to worry more about prune pits than the other sort, so be it. But the number one thing I believe I’d enjoy about being in a romantic relationship with an older man is the fact that he’d have experience.

I must say that I ‘believe I’d enjoy’ these things because I didn’t date older men, & I am now married to a younger man. Ten years & eight days younger, to be exact.

If you were to have asked me several years ago about dating a man that much younger I would have likely wrinkled my nose. But I also would have replied that age isn’t such a big issue, the biggest issue would be the amount of life experience between us.

In my case, a 40 year old woman with a 30 year young man, we have had similar experiences. We both have been parents (both single parents as well). We both have had failed marriages. It’s not some check list of things we have done. These are situations we have lived through. Knowledge gained.

We both have lived on our own, and we have lived with the full responsibility of caring for another dependent upon us. And we both have learned what it takes to make, or more accurately break, a relationship. Neither of us has false expectations based on theory. Neither of us is missing on the “been there done that’s” of the other.

And it doesn’t exactly hurt that while I am still working toward my sexual peak, he isn’t as far down that hill as a 40 year old man would be! *wink* (So I enjoy his youthful stamina & recovery as much as he enjoys my extra 10 years of sexual experience -- we ‘fit’ together this way too!)

Would the 10 years difference made a difference to me when I was 30? Hell yes. I can say that with great certainty, & no offense to my husband. At 30, I don’t think I would have believed a 20 year old with no children was ready to take on parenting, let alone step-parenting (and a special needs child at that), or was prepared to face bills, staying in at night, less time with pals etc. And if he were to be honest, he’d likely admit that we wouldn’t have met -- we weren’t interested in or doing the same things to run into each other.

Will the 10 years difference make a difference to me when I am 60 and he is 50? I can’t be as certain about this, obviously. But along with my hopes that it doesn’t, I believe that the 20 years on the same path as partners will have forged something in us much stronger than a Marriage Certificate saying we ought to remain together. But do I worry that a distinguished looking 50 year old man will find a old woman of 60 attractive & interesting? Yes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.

But I have to hope that we’ll still be on the same page, want the same things, communicate well, and that our experiences will have bonded us enough that the desire will still be there.

My biggest threat is likely his 40’s, when he faces his midlife crisis. But that’s a bad time for any woman in a hetero committed relationship. An age difference of 10 years, or 10 months, it’s all a crap shoot when you are dealing with a man in that place...

Let’s hope it’s to my advantage that I have a few extra years of knowledge to help me with that too.

If not, I can check into that cult thing after all.

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