Exploring Sexuality Through Open Marriage

It’s been two and a half months since my husband and I have had sex. We’re not fighting. We’re not angry at one another. We live together and sleep together every night. We kiss. We hug. We touch. But we don’t have sex. This has been a long standing problem in the relationship. From early in our marriage we’d start going without sex for days, quickly followed by weeks, and then months. Our longest period was about six months. It came after a frightening pregnancy scare where I did NOT want him to touch me and he wasn’t so hot to do it anyway. It really did take a long time to get over, but that was 4 years ago. And I’m on the pill, now.

So why has it been so long? I wish I knew. Of late I am the sole initiator. He NEVER asks me for sex and he ALWAYS says "no" or if I’m lucky, agrees with a grudging sigh. It’s always nice to feel like the physical manifestation of your love is a chore to your lover. I never accept on those terms. And so we don’t have sex.

When my husband was sent out of the country for work we agreed that it would be okay for each of us to seek sex from others. I found a couple of men to sleep with and finally settled on a particular guy to entertain me while my husband was away. My husband didn’t bother to look for sexual partners. When he came home, I broke it off with my lover and found my husband someone to sleep with for a one night stand.

Our sex life returned to normal. And then gradually began to fade away again. Two months would go by before I could convince him to sleep with me again. I got fed up as time continued to pass and I continued to NOT have sex. Finally, I asked him if it would be okay to continue the open marriage. We’d talked about it in the past but since his return from his trip neither of us had ever taken advantage of it. He agreed, and I set to work finding a lover.

For a while there I was having sex with two men who were not my husband. I was having sex every third day. And then my husband got into the act, suddenly interested in me again. I was having sex with three different men, one every other day. It was perfect. It was exactly what I wanted.

But gradually my two lovers disappeared as their lives took them elsewhere. I was contented, though. My husband was having sex with me again. I didn’t need a lover anymore. And then... he stopped wanting sex. Six months went by with us having sex an average of once a month. I finally decided it was time to find a new lover.

Since then, I’m still searching for someone to have sex with on a regular basis. I’m less bitter, now, about my husband not having sex with me. It’s something I’ve learned to accept. Whatever his reasons, he doesn’t particularly care for it. When I ask him if he’s going to sleep with someone else he tells me "probably not."

It’s strange living in a house, being in a marriage with someone so completely asexual. Maybe someday my husband will come around and we’ll become the insatiable lovers I imagined we would be. However, experience tells me it’s not going to happen. And so I look elsewhere now.

OdalisqueK is a military wife living on the east coast. She's been married almost 6 years & they have no children. She's always looking for someone to help her replace what's missing. OdalisqueK has been writing in journals since she was a kid and has been writing online for probably the last 5 years. Semper Sexualis is her first and only "blog" for the moment.