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Reclusive Icons Found For years we have wondered just what happens to Barbie and Ken after the holiday rush for a new line at Mattel. RECLUSIVE ICONS FOUND:
a WCAT Investigative Report
Every year, just before Christmas, Barbie and her long-time companion, Ken, have disappeared. Most had thought that the yearly stress of developing a new line to dazzle the world-wide consuming public was reason enough for the perennially linked couple to remove themselves from the social scene and indulge in well-earned (check out the balance sheets) rest and relaxation.
Year after year has found the infamous Miss Barbie sporting a lifestyle that demanded total annual replacement of her fabulous wardrobe. The search for this is in itself enough to exhaust even the most ardent of shoppers. From time to time we have had the honor of being able to glimpse the splendor of her life in her new toys: the automobiles, houses, spas, and vacation sites. It must take hours of phone calls to travel agents, visits to dealerships of only the most exclusive automobiles, and months of searching neighborhoods for the most palatial homes.
From the time they first met as youthful sweethearts (more than 50 years ago) until the present, we have followed the lives of these two forever young American icons parading themselves across the nation as scions of fashion and morality. Barbie has been the model for America’s young women, with her impossibly inhumane figure, astronomical spending penchant and long-term platonic relationship with Ken. He has been the ever-present sycophant pandering, as a eunuch, to the self-centered childish willfulness of this would-be woman. We have politely skimmed over their anatomical abnormalities and relational disabilities for a number of years.
However, with all the publicity attending the social activities of this couple, we have never been able to determine a source of income for this modern-day Scott and Zelda. Some have suggested that the inimitable couple were the offspring of incredibly wealthy parents. No matter how hard investigative reporters have dug, no one has been able to discover the parentage of these two icons. Some have even suggested that the couple are not even romantically linked but are the adopted brother and sister of members of multi-millionaires. Even the Walton family has been rumored to be the parental influence. How else could they possibly support their wildly expensive lifestyle? Only because of their ostentation have Barbie and Ken become celebrity material. Others speculate that they are the hard-working son and daughter of immigrant workers, making them purveyors of the American Dream.
This year, in the week before Christmas, Mistress Barbie and Leather Ken were spotted in San Francisco’s Tenderloin District.
Mattel threatens legal action.
Photo courtesy of
Sensuous Sadie
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