BDSM is About Spiritual Transformation: My Own Story Part 1 of 2

BDSM is About Spiritual Transformation: My Own Story Part 1 of 2
By Sensuous Sadie

Photograph by Magnum

Moby was tied and still, his arms outstretched. From the front Mistress Savannah raked her fingernails around the tender part of his neck, across his nipples, and down to torture his balls. He was naked to her, and to me standing behind. I pressed up against him in full body contact so that each cry, each moan, each tremble coursed through his body right into mine. And yet, there was a space between us that was neither him nor me, but other. I felt the presence of God there holding him safely even as I held him safely against me.

This is the story of my journey into BDSM and spirituality. I'm still on the journey actually; in fact I'm nearer to the beginning of it than I am to the end. It's also the story of what I learned along the way from other spelunkers. Each person gave me some ideas about how they go about things, some of which worked for me, and some of which didn't. Some might work for you too, and some might not. I've just stepped off the pavement on to a winding path, and so I invite you to take a walk with me and see what we find in the deep woods ahead.

Why Write about BDSM & Spirituality?
When I started researching what other people had written about BDSM and spirituality, I discovered to my surprise that there wasn't a huge base of literature. Much of the current writings come from the lesbian/gay perspective, a unique community with a long history in BDSM. Unfortunately, much of the contemporary BDSM community has neither the history or the traditions of the tight-knit GLBT communities of the 1960's through the 1980's. In fact there are some in the gay community who do not want to assimilate either their sexuality or their BDSM/leather preferences. Instead, the contemporary community is characterized by a highly diverse and heterogeneous population, with a majority of heterosexual and bi-sexual members. These changes came to be in large part due to the Internet, which changed accessibility to information forever. This is not to say that we have nothing in common with the each other, only that there is a need to speak to this far broader cross-section of American culture.

In his speech on the history of leather, veteran leatherman Joseph Bean writes about the glory days of the old guard as it existed in the early Gay BDSM community of the 1960's. (Bean, Future of Leather). And yet, many in today's contemporary BDSM culture are horrified by the apparent lack of consentuality that sometimes occurred during that period. Call me a new age BDSMer if you must, but I consider both Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) to be essential elements of healthy BDSM, both on the personal and the community level. They both smack of sloganism, but they are very real too. I'll take BDSM as it is today, still stigmatized, but further down the road to tolerance, if not occasional acceptance by vanilla folk.

BDSM and spirituality is a subject that is still not all that common a topic of conversation. I suppose this is because so many novices, who comprise the majority of the community, are busy just getting the mechanics down. Certainly, while a majority of Americans believe in God, many of them don't feel that spiritual practice is polite conversation, something akin to avoiding religion and politics at the dinner table. My hope is to bring all these ideas together and offer an overview that is more accessible to this diverse community of scene players.

What does BDSM have to do with Spirituality?
Photo by David Southwick

There are lots of ways to explore BDSM and lots of ways to explore spirituality. You can do one with or without the other. Some people feel that their spiritual side is always present, whether doing BDSM or anything else, so the question is meaningless for them. Others think that connecting BDSM and spirituality is kind of foolish. "Perhaps it's the image of SM as mere kinky sex which makes the idea of SM/Spirituality seem silly and affected," says columnist Chris M. In contrast, I believe that it takes conscious acts to live a spiritual life. Spirituality is fundamental to how I move through my life, and BDSM is one way to stamp my ticket there.

My lens is that of a liberal religious tradition and a belief that all religious practices lead to the divine. I don't see myself as an expert, but rather someone exploring the path beside you, my reader. If I am anything, I may be something of a shaman writer, a tour guide with a battered but somewhat readable map and a sense of humor about the possibility that we might get a little lost.

Readers have sometimes commented that I don't often provide "the answers" in my writings, and they're right. I don't have all that many answers, but I do know how to ask the right questions, and I'll be asking lots of them. I'll ask, and try things out, and some will work and some won't. It will probably be the same for you, and that's okay too. There is no right answer. All spiritual or religious paths are equally valid in getting to God or enlightenment, or whatever you want to name that higher power. I validate all approaches, whether it's a formal religion or just your own way of connecting to yourself.

Despite my own history of thinking and writing about spirituality, I've felt an ingrained resistance to exploring BDSM and spirituality together. Our culture separates sexuality and spirituality in what is called "Platonic Dualism" where the mind and body, or in this case spirituality and sexuality, are seen as separate, distinct parts of our humanity. This concept is deeply embedded in our shared history of Christianity and Puritanism. In some ways it seems, at least from a cultural perspective, that sex dirties the spiritual path, making it a sin first and a transforming experience later, if ever. Even so, I do know on a essential level that all things are spiritual, including sexuality and BDSM. I'm not suggesting that BDSM is "the" way to the spiritual experience, but rather one way to get there. There are many other ways, from formal religious practice to mindfully approaching everyday experiences such as doing the dishes.

What is Spirituality? or, What is it for me anyway.
On the one hand, they say that nature of the Tao (or God) cannot be explained. And it may be that any definition would, by its very nature, not work for everyone because each spiritual experience cannot help but be unique to the person experiencing it. That being said, this is what the spiritual experience is for me. If it's close to your beliefs, great. If not, feel free to insert your own definition here.

For me, spirituality is when I feel at one with the world, fully present with who I am and where I am going. I have a sense of the connection between me and the living things of our planet. I understand where I am on my own life path, and feel the rightness of being exactly there, where I am supposed to be. I am using my gifts to make life better not just for me, but for others. I am fearless, knowing that God is taking care of me.

What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, which are the technical side of things. However, BDSM is really about Domspace and Subpace. Subaltern's BDSM Dictionary of terms says that Subspace can be described as "a spiritually transcendent state of complete and overwhelming bliss, the aftereffects of which can last for hours and even days. While this is happening, the submissive/bottom is often said to be flying. It is similar to, but exponentially more intense and powerful than, what is often called runner's high." (Subaltern, Dictionary) How is this different or the same as Domspace? Well that's pretty hard to say, but suffice it to say that there are potent similarities.

What I Believe About Spirituality
My approach is a combination of Unitarian Universalism and Taoism. As a lifetime Unitarian Universalist, I learned that each of us can experience God directly, and we don't need an intermediary like a priest to connect with God or have a spiritual experience. We are each responsible for our own exploration of spirituality and for the belief system that rises from that experience. Our spiritual self is inside and outside of us, here on earth in every day, every act, every person. God is not a separate being up there and separate from humanity, but within and between. Not removed, but immanent. In keeping with Unitarian Universalist teachings, my religious beliefs are not based on dogma told to me, but rather on my own experience in this world. My belief system was also flavored with Taoism which taught me to allow spirit to move through me and bring me to the right place in my life, present in each moment as it happens.

I also believe that spirituality should be accessible, available to anyone at anytime. We don't need to do extreme things like fasting as occur some Eastern religions, or serious body modification as in some BDSM practices, although these are valid paths. We don't need equipment or fancy training, only the intention to go there. God is near, existing in the now. Some say that only Jesus is the son of God, but I say that we are all the sons and daughters of God, physical manifestations of spirit. When we live fully, to our potential and true to our selves, then we serve God and ourselves at the most spiritual level.

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Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at SensuousSadie@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com. Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues. Copyright 2003 Sadie Sez Publications