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Oh God! Fuck Me! I am probably going to be shot for some of this. Spirituality and sexuality? Funny, before now I don’t think I have ever thought about this. Ever.
Unless you count the other day when I had an in depth discussion about dildos that look like Jesus – which stemmed from my questioning the morality and blasphemy of chocolate Easter crosses. But seriously…
I was not raised in any particular faith – I was baptized Catholic as an infant and attended the church for a few years. It made no lasting impact. I grew up with parents who were blissfully unfaithful and then just as psychotically fervent in their prayers…alternating frequently.
Most of the time, we were Methodist. But occasionally Evil Step Mother would go off on some odd rampage – from Jehovah’s Witness to “Born Again Christian”.
Sex was wrong and dirty – and evil – but not really because of any religious following. It just…was. Don’t ask my why – I never figured it out.
As a rebellious teenager I discovered the beautiful hearts and flowers world of the Wiccan. I had no idea about any of the sexual connotations or rules…or acceptance…in my newly chosen faith. All I cared about was being a pain in the ass wanna-be feminist with an excuse to wear flowing skirts and bells on my ankles.
Later in life I began to realize that Pagans in general had a bad rap – we were all labeled easy, slutty, far too sexually open for the rest of world. We all danced naked around Beltane fires and participated in orgies. Which really surprised me – since I was still pretty frigid – even in high school. As I’ve gotten older, I have outgrown Wicca, choosing instead to simply be a Witch. Or Pagan. Depending on the day.
But no matter what I choose to call myself, my religion or beliefs have never infiltrated my bedroom. Ever. Unless saying, “oh God oh God Jesus fuck me,” counts. And I don’t think it does. Besides, it’s not like it happens anymore. My bedroom is not exactly a place of open religious expression. Heh.
I recently had the opportunity to interview an author who wrote about Pagan sexuality. I was very impressed but I realized that I am truly the antithesis of what people view Pagans as…and even a far cry from Pagans in general.
I am shy, painfully so…self conscious…and typically avoid sex and sexual contact unless I am feeling needy. And not even THAT kind of needy – I have a bullet for that.
What kind of a free-love Witch am I?!
It seems I have pretty much told you nothing…
I understand that there are those who are brought up in or accept a faith that alters their sexual activities and even the emotions attached to said actions. But ya know what?
Get over it.
Fuck if you wanna.
Or come visit me…if you don’t.
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