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Dear Megan,

Life can be a “bitch” when our bodies betray us. I speak from experience and identify completely with what you are saying. I, too, have a wonderful person in my life who has understood what it means to be in too much pain to really enjoy sex. And I, too, have felt some guilt in not being able to fully satisfy his needs over the last few years.

I gather from the tone of your message that you, also, enjoy sex. There are a few tips I can pass along that my physical therapist gave to me. The first goal is to get his weight off you. The first thing you can try is you being on top and not him. By doing this, you get his weight off your body entirely. If the arthritis prevents you from straddling him there is another way. Gather a few pillows and put them under your stomach. There are even some boards that are available that raise your hips. This allows him to enter you from behind, like many couples do when pregnancy is an issue. You can also use the side of the bed and let him stand while you lay and you can have sex in that way. There is even a thing called The Luv Seat. It’s a bit pricey at about $700, but if that is the only way you can enjoy relations with your special someone, think of it as an investment that will be used for years to come.

However, if the orgasm itself is what will throw you into days of pain, there are some things you can do for your partner. Let the domme in you come out. Bring him to the brink of his orgasm many times and stop short. Play with his penis. Cuddle his balls. If you can lean over him, use your mouth and tease him mercilessly. Play with his rear. Use your finger in his anus. He will love the stimulation to his prostate. I do suggest a condom. (Both for your finger and his penis.) Just make sure you are not allergic to latex and DO NOT use one that either has a spermicide or lubrication. (I made that mistake once. Obviously I didn’t die, but my mouth felt a lot strange for a couple of days.)

Once he has had his sexual release, cuddle with him. Get him to lay with you, hold you and stroke you. Let’s face it, you will not have sex together like you used to. Life changes us all. But you can have a sex life together. After all, it is the sharing and caring that becomes important.

You are lucky, Megan, that you have someone who cares about your comfort. He, in turn, is lucky to have someone in you who cares for his pleasure. May you both live long and prosper.

Jewel.

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