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Dear Sex-Kitten... I am Not a Sex-Starved Divorcee! This is Twice Divorced and Intentionally Single in Greensboring responding to Divorced in Bozeman... I'm recently divorced. Everyone seems to think I need to have another man in my life. What I really want right now is some time to heal, make a life for me and my daughter, and just enjoy being single for what seems the first time in my life. I married at 19 and
have a 9 year old daughter. How can I walk the line between letting friends and co-workers know that I'm not a sex-starved divorcee who needs to get fucked but still let them know I want to be friends and maybe just a night out from time to time?
Divorced in Bozeman
Dear Divorced in Bozeman,
This is Twice Divorced and Intentionally Single in Greensboring, here to answer your question. Hopefully, I can shed some light on this particular subject – since I ask the same damn thing just about every day. Or I did... before I just gave up. Still, maybe I can give you a little something to go on since I have been dealing with this for a while...
Seems to me I have been asking your question for many months now... was also married at 19, though my daughter is almost 8. Got my second divorce at 23. And have been single for almost a year now after several long relationships. So yeah…at least find peace in knowing that someone can relate.
First, let’s clear something up? Do you want to get fucked? Seriously... think about it. The new-wave feminism sweeping the country tells us that we, as single woman, can fuck just like single men do – whenever, whoever and however we want. And we can. If we want to. Even those of us with children who need to be protected can hire a sitter and hop into bed with any Tom, Dick or Harry we choose. It’s easy. Amazingly easy.
Of course, battery powered devices and nimble fingers are your friend, and often times avoiding the emotional connection with sex is difficult – especially for the recently single. (Yes, I tried.)
So, the big question is – how do you convince your well-meaning friends, family and co-workers that while dinner and a movie sounds nice, a night of debauchery and / or marriage are not appealing?
Honestly I don’t think you can convince them without proving it. Be single. Spend time with your daughter. Occasionally be unavailable for their tenderly offered blind dates. Do it on your own and make it obvious that you are.
Despite changes in how single women are viewed by society, people are still governed by the concept that a woman needs to be taken care of…single mother’s even more so. And the general consensus is this – a single female who chooses staying single over meaningless sex or another long term relationship has issues. Big, bad evil issues. We are too masculine, too independent, frigid, cold... crazy.
All I can tell you is that you need to make sure you don’t give a shit what people think of you, and be happy with yourself for doing what is right for you. Remember, staying single until you are ready to become involved teaches your daughter that she does not need a man to take care of her... and that’s a great thing for her to know. Let her know if you are going out on a date so that she does not feel guilty for keeping you home…and let her know that if you stay home it’s because you want to.
Your friends will understand... you want to be alone for a while but do not want to become a hermit. Your co-workers will eventually leave off, but if need be, tell them you are seeing someone. Unless you are close to them, it is really none of their concern. No matter how nice they are. Or how nosy.
Most of all though, don’t worry about convincing them... it only matters if YOU are convinced.
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