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When is the best time to put out? 'You can't hurry love,' or so the song goes. While this is a good enough premise, in reality, it can be easy to get carried away when you meet someone you fancy . But is that really a good idea? Let's look at the important matter of timing: when is the best time to put out? To shag or not to shag?
Nowadays, it's not uncommon to leap into bed with someone on date one – or even before you've had that first date, if there's been enough alcohol imbibed!
Putting out when you first meet someone doesn't make you a bad person – though do make sure that you use a condom. After all, you have no idea about someone's history, and don't want to risk your life.
And, don't get so carried away that you put yourself in any danger. Taking a stranger back to your house is risky, so only take someone back if your gut instinct tells you that you can trust them. And hide your purse or wallet! It may sound paranoid but it's better to be safe than sorry.
The morning after
If you do get it on pretty much immediately, afterwards, you'll probably have that 'what have I done?' thing going through your head – or more to the point 'I wonder if they liked me?' Well, other than asking, there's an easy way to find out.
If someone asks for your number after sex, it's a good sign that they want to do it again. If they don't, don't try to force it on them – you'll be waiting for a phone call that'll never happen. Life's too short to waste on people who aren't interested.
And if you're the one who regrets it ever happened, be honest. OK, you don' need to say 'that was bloody awful' – but if they say 'can I see you again' be polite but firm in saying 'sorry – I don't think that's a good idea' Just because you have sex with someone, it doesn't mean you're obliged to do it again.
Above all, remember that getting intimate before you get to know someone means that you can't guarantee the results. If it's a one off, accept it. You're not a bad shag – it just wasn't meant to be. Move on.
Patience is a virtue
In an ideal world, it makes more sense to wait a while before you first put out. Not only do you reduce the risks – both safety-wise and in terms of guaranteeing you'll have fun in the sack – but you also have a chance to get to know someone before you fall for them. Remember, when you first have sex with someone, there are powerful love chemicals flooding your body, which can make you believe you're utterly smitten. Why confuse your system before you have a chance to really know someone?
The answer
If in doubt, the old 'three date rule' is a good one to apply: enough time to cover the basics but soon enough to ensure you're not climbing up the walls in lust. Use the first three dates to find out how much you have in common; do you share religious and political beliefs? Have a similar attitude to family? Or even share interests? If you're going to have a relationship with someone, you need to have things you can do together other than have sex! If you don't have much in common, think about whether it's worth progressing.
By taking your time, you're more likely to end up with a relationship worth having. If someone isn't prepared to wait, they're clearly not worthy of your affections. So slow things down and enjoy the anticipation.
Then shag your lust-objects brains out.
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