SK Q & A: Hot For Teacher - Sex~Kitten.net

"Hi everyone, I am currently a senior in college and have had numerous fantasies about being with my proffesors. Especially one in particular. I wish that I did not have these feelings, but they are there and hard to avoid. Is it wrong to want someone who is twice my age who I find interstring, good-looking,and kind? I would love to read your responses. Thanks, Marie"

We devoted an entire issue to the subject of age differences, but let me tell you what I think of your situation.

(I am assuming that this man is *not* married & is available -- that's a whole other issue!)

First of all, fantasies of this type are normal. Women often fantasize about older men, men who seem to have achieved status they themselves have not yet. Here's a man who has figured out 'who he is,' and 'what he's going to do with his life,' questions you likely are still exploring.

In some ways, this is a move toward the future -- he is set, and so, with him, so you be also. He's also comfortable, stable, reassuring in a time of instability with major life changes on the horizon. But there are other reasons to feel yourself pulled towards him.

I remember being in college, and feeling myself swoon near a certain young professor. He didn't represent security, he represented such 'a great mind.' He had some clout, yes, yet was free enough to take sabbaticals -- trips for scholarly passions. I fantasized of a life filled with this dashing talking male with similar interests & passions, as we traveled, researched, lectured & of course sipped wine at night as we talked some more. How intoxicating... (A talking male! Imagine!) His intellect was the power to which I was drawn.

It was easy to day dream of & masturbate to images of such a life, such a man. But in reality, I knew nothing of this man. He was as one-dimensional as that fireman on the calendar.

I did nothing about my feelings at the time. And am glad I didn't. At graduation I discovered he'd had 3 affairs during the time I attended the college, the most recent woman was then living with him. Based on the women involved, it became clear his intellectual & stimulating conversations were based on the curriculum, & not his real interests. (In fact, I ran into him a few years later, & I thought him utterly foppish!)

My point being, that I allowed him to be the object of my erotic & soulfilled fantasies, but left him there.

Now you, my dear Marie, are the only one who can see if your fantasies are built on anything real & lasting. Even if you swear all you want is some 'college fun' (your list of his attributes tells me otherwise), those actions can have long term consequences. Women who have affairs with men 'above them' on corporate or other ladders are often not taken seriously. So broken heart or not, there are losses to consider, such as respect.

What this all boils down to is this: It's not his age that's the problem, it's the inequity of power.

You can be attracted to the power, but if part of his power position includes the ability to negatively affect you & your career, then don't do it. You are a senior. Finish out your education, & if the fantasies continue after you've left the school, then you may consider entering a relationship with him -- on more equal footing.

His 'power' will still exist, as will his good looks, kindness etc. But this time all you risk is dating a dud, or a broken heart (options for virtually all dates!), but you no longer risk his power hurting your future career plans. Neither you, nor he, can be exploited for your 'ranking' -- nor can others accuse either of you of such things.