Families of Value - Sex~Kitten.net

Last Wednesday night, I had the honor of interviewing Bob Bernstein and three of the parents Bob profiled in his latest book "Families of Value: Personal Profiles of Pioneering Lesbian and Gay Parents." I invited Bob, along with Sally and Olivia Miller (not their real names) and Bonnie Tinker, lesbian parents in his book, as Coach Sappho's 'Creating a Life I Love' Club's "Lesbian Women and Allies of Uncommon Courage" tele-discussion guests for June 2005. Each month the club focuses on a different life theme and each month I invite a guest that "fits" that month's theme to inspire club members.

In addition to me and my guests, a dozen or so club members joined us as well. We enjoyed a great discussion with our guest lesbian parents, who shared with listeners the joys and the challenges of living as a gay family in a homophobic society. And Bob Bernstein shared his experiences interviewing the gay parents, many of whom he met and interviewed on last year's "R Family Vacations" cruise. R Family Vacations was founded by Greg Kaminski and Kelli O'Donnell, wife of comedienne and retired talk show host Rosie O'Donnell.

Bob has a lesbian daughter. He's had a career as an attorney and now he's quite the writer. It is obvious writing is his passion. He says one of the biggest 'a-ha's' he had in writing the book was the dawning realization that he now honestly believes gay parents are not only equal to straight parents in terms of their abilities to parent, they are actually, in many cases, much better parents than straight parents because of their conscious committment to not only have children but also to raise them well in an often hostile environment and show society how 'everyday normal' they truly are. He said that when gay couples want children, their desire is clearly chosen, unlike many straight parents, who perhaps take parenting for granted. And, gay men may be the most committed of all, considering what they must go through to parent a child.

Sally and Olivia Miller, who live in a small midwest town, had their now 15 year old son Winston back in 1990. They know only a few other gay parents in their town. Unfortunately, Winston has had some of the most negative experiences of any of the kids in the book. Sixth grade was the worst. Winston was physically beaten up by classmates because he had "lezzies" for parents and, to Sally and Olivia's horror, teachers at his school suspended Winston for getting beat up, in effect saying "if you didn't have lesbians for parents, this wouldn't have happened to you." I feel for both of these women, both of whom have obviously expended so much of their energies and made so many sacrifices to keep their family well. I think they are become more empowered, and, they are seriously thinking about leaving their small town, as they have "had it" with the lack of community there.

Our surprise parent visitor was Bonnie Tinker. Bonnie is the first parent profiled in Bob's book. Bonnie's experiences, and those of her children and partner, are extensively documented in the book. Bonnie has almost two different 'generations' of children, so it was interesting reading and hearing about how she grew to understand, through many 'learning experiences' with her oldest son, how best to support the younger children. In fact, most of her children have joined her in her work running an Oregon organization she founded for GLBT families called "Love Makes a Family."

I've spoken to several of the club members on the call since the discussion and they say they were very fascinated by the discussion, especially how it enlightened them to be more supportive of the gay parents and families they know. During the call, several club members joined in on the discussion and asked good, probing questions that the guests were glad to answer.

For anyone who wants to learn more, be sure to get Bob's book. And, here is a list of resources recommended by myself, guests and club members for those who would like more information and/or support:

Family Pride Coalition

COLAGE - the only national and international organization in the world specifically supporting young people with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender parents.

Gay Fathers Coalition of Baltimore - what a fantastic group of guys! In fact, be sure to catch this piece of my history. In addition, I am considering starting a tele-coaching group for gay parents. Tele-group coaching is quite powerful and yet, conveniently available to you by telephone. If you would be interested in attending such a group, let me know! And, feel free to let others who might be interested know to contact me!

Please note that this article is for educational and learning purposes only. You should always seek consultation with a qualified professional who specializes in your specific need(s). Only a qualified, experienced professional with detailed, accurate and complete information about you, your unique situation, concerns and resources can give you advice and/or help you explore all of your options so you can decide on a plan of action that works for you. The author is not responsible for any actions you take as a result of reading this article and inclusion of resources offered in no way represents an endorsement by Barb Elgin (DBA BE A Success Enterprises, LLC and 'Coach Sappho') or any of its sponsors.