Gracie's Sex Education (Part One)

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I grew up in a house where sex was discussed often. Well, maybe not 'discussed,' but it was a constant stream, a running theme of humor...

My mother was considered the aggressive one, my poor father, forced to perform his husbandly duties.

Legend has it, that my dad was a virgin when he met mom. She not only seduced him, but told him he was pregnant & that she would do the honorable thing, and marry him... Years later, he figured it out, but it was too late. *wink*

Our home was full of jokes, stories & innuendo about sex. One gag that ran in re-runs well past it's prime was my mother mentioning or motioning towards the bedroom. My dad would roll his eyes, and say "OK, but tonight when we play sailor & mermaid, can I please be the sailor for a change?" My mother's standard reply: "No. We had that tail made especially for you. Now go get it on." They'd laugh, look at us, we'd roll our eyes & groan.

My sister & I had our own jokes about "the 'rents" as we called them. None of which would translate very well here... we did a lot of mimicking of our parents' noises as we heard them behind closed doors.

It's not just that sex was the fodder for jokes. When we asked questions, we got answers. We had the 'how babies were made' book, and the talk. Since the subject wasn't taboo, we all could joke about it. It was safe turf. My dad would often tease me as I began dating, "Remember, call them all "Sweetie," "Sugar," or "Baby," so you never say the wrong name at the wrong time!"

(He was joking, but really, that trick has saved both my personal & professional ass on countless occasions!)

As we got older, I remember visiting friend's homes & discovering most folks didn't live this way. In fact, many of my friend's parents had separate bedrooms. I had never heard of such a thing!

But I learned quickly that sex was, for most people, a taboo subject. Whether due to this, or the simple act of aging, I stopped asking my parents questions about sex. But I also knew better than ask my friends. Obviously, their families didn't even acknowledge sex... what could they possibly know?

While my girlfriends pined for true romantic love, I figured they would end up in a swoon for the first bafoon to come along ~ and be pregnant soon after. Sadly, more times than not, I was right. The few that didn't get knocked up, were so afraid of the unknown.

Even teachers, who I knew very well ran the 'health' movies & filmstrips, seemed afraid of sex. A favorite trick of mine was to mention my period to any male teacher & about 1/2 the female ones. While they blushed, stammered & tried to block whatever was forming in their heads, whatever I had said would be agreed to ~ I could either escape class, or use it as an excuse the next day for not even showing up.

While I used my knowledge for evil, I did remain a virgin until my 20's.

This is partly due to the fact that my father did have one other sex talk with me as a teen. I was about 16, and dating the same boy for about 3 months (the equivalent of marriage in the teen world). I came in to the house, looking for my shoes because Ron was about to pick me up for a movie. While the date was sanctioned by my parents, I had been out very late the night before (past 11!), and while I called with some lame excuse of car problems, dad must have still had his reservations...

So while I scurried for my shoes, he stopped me & said, as awkwardly as I'd ever seen him, "You do know there are other ways to relieve yourself, if you are frustrated... right?"

I stared at him. I mean my mouth was likely hanging open, slack jawed, a-gape. A sex talk without a warm up is like sex without foreplay! I was speechless.

He took my silence as not comprehending his message. So he bravely continued: "You know about masturbation, right?"

"Yes." I think I nodded.

"OK then."

I took the pause & blurted "I have to find my shoes, dad" and ran away. I ran from him, the situation, more than to find my shoes.

I was strangely quiet on the way to the movies that night. Not that I gave the real answer to my date's questions. But the conversation stayed with me.

That night, Ron got the first of many hand lotion hand jobs.

I can't say that my parents told me 'everything' about sex, but I learned the basic equation, the proper respect for consequences, and the healthy attitude that it was a normal as any other bodily function (even if much more enjoyable!).

The rest, the feelings & the emotions that are aroused by sexual acts, those really can't be explained or taught without experience anyway. So, as my parents would say "they *laid* the proper foundation ~ over & other again."


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Come inside my boudoir... As a former pro & a general wild one, I'll discuss all sorts of naughty business. For more, read my bio.

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