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Don’t Box Me In: A Mini-Munch with the Bunch Call me lucky, but I recently found myself surrounded by a group of submissive males who wanted to adore, worship and serve me. Well, maybe it wasn’t just a matter of luck, since I was the one who threw the party and invited the guests. Most likely envisioning a night of wicked use
and abuse at my hands, they arrived –collars, cuffs, and
leashes in hand—eager to be led to my dungeon. Perhaps they
were disappointed that I sought insight rather than subjugation,
revelation instead of servitude, but—true to slave form—they
were perfect gentlemen, each and every one. Discreetly disposing of
their slave paraphernalia and gallantly feigning admiration of my
business attire, rather than the expected leather corset and
thigh-high boots, they obediently (You can take the slave out of the
dungeon….), took their seats as I brought out my ink pen and
note pad.
So there we were:
Goddess and slaves magically transformed at my whim (You can take the
Goddess out of the dungeon….) into everyday people, sitting
down for une petite tête-à-tête. Rather
than demands, I had questions. Rather than peonage, I wanted
answers.
Angela: Well
gentlemen, here we are. Most of you, I have had the pleasure of
dominating, or at least exchanging a few emails with. Some of you
I’ve gotten to know even beyond the BDSM realm; and I don’t
think I’m stretching it to say that we’ve become friends.
Why don’t you start by telling me a little about whom you are
in your regular lives, such as the work you do, your hobbies and
interests, and just about anything else you would like our readers to
know about you.
Samuel: Me?
I’m actually a retired banker from the East Coast. Now, I live
on the West Coast and am enjoying my second career running a small
boating business that caters to tourists. I’m still married to
my childhood sweetheart, our children are grown, and we’re
enjoying the good life. We keep busy with reading, fishing, golfing,
visits from the grandchildren, and haunting antique shops, which has
become a full-blown passion.
Daniel: I guess
I’m the proverbial bachelor in this group. I have a somewhat
high-profile position with the legal department of a well-known
company in New York, which, of course, I don’t dare mention. I
am currently dating the girl of my dreams, so maybe my bachelor
status will soon change. I collect art deco furniture and am
a voracious reader. I jog on a regular basis. I enjoy movies,
theater, good wine, good company and good food.
Nick: Hey,
Daniel, I’m a bachelor, too! So that makes two of us! Ok,
I’ll admit it, I’m the youngster here being 30ish, but
I’m doing really well professionally. I have a great job with
a global technical services company; we consult with companies all
over the world, which means I am well-traveled for a guy my age. I
also invest in real estate and am a pretty good black-jack player. I
date fairly regularly, just haven’t found that special someone
yet.
Robert: While
I’m far from wealthy, I live a financially comfortable life.
I’m a middle-aged, hard-working, attorney. I like my work and
do it well. Like everybody else these days, I have too much to do
and not enough time in which to do it. I guess I’m a typical
guy-type in a lot of ways; I enjoy sports, a few beers now and then,
and a game of golf here and there. I love my wife and kids very
much; they really do mean the world to me! I have to say that I am a
happy guy and am pretty much living the good life.
Jordan: You
know, Angela, I really would prefer to be kissing your feet right
now.
Angela: Jordan!
Jordan: Well,
how about, will you marry me?
Angela: Jordan,
behave your self!
Jordan: Ok, ok!
Just for you, I will spill the beans. I guess I’m living my
dream life in many ways. I am a theater director and drama professor
at a southern college. I am a Shakespeare buff and have been lucky
to direct a number of his plays. My wife is a semi-successful
actress and costume designer in her own right and we’ve
collaborated many times over the years. I’ve been blessed with
healthy children (two successful adults of whom I’m very proud)
and—believe it or not, because I can hardly believe it
myself—five precious grandchildren. I play some tennis, swim
regularly, and am a serious Viking fan, much to my wife’s
consternation. Life is good.
Angela: Hmmm…a
nice little gaggle of geese around this table, I’d say! So why
don’t I throw some questions out to you, and let’s just
see what types of ganders we gave here? When did you first realize
you were submissive? And what was it that brought it to your
awareness?
Nick: I first
realized it when I was in junior high. While my father was the
official disciplinarian in our family, it was my mother who imposed
her authoritative nature on me; not so much for discipline, but
control, mind control. She knew my emotional buttons and pushed them
at will. In my culture, mothers are shown a great deal of honor. In
the past, young men and women bowed down to their mothers and
mothers-in-law, touching their feet, then bringing their hands to
their mouths as a token of general respect. I am sure I Americanized
and expanded on this so that it became much more in my adolescent,
pubescent mind. Around that time, there was also a teacher at my
school who was rumored to seduce young boys. This added to the mix,
in that I began fantasizing about older, powerful women dominating,
disciplining, and even molesting me.
Angela: Hmmm…I
have a feeling that a few of the women here at Sex Kitten just might
want to have a little private talk with you later, Nick.
Samuel: I
actually had a submissive experience when I was 18 years old. This
was at a time when nobody talked about these things. Everything was
“hush-hush” back then and anybody deviating from the norm
was considered a pervert. So, although it was intoxicating and
overwhelming, I really didn’t understand it. It wasn’t
until I was around 38 years old that it began making sense. It took
me another 5 years to really understand that I was definitely a true
submissive.
Jordan: When I
was 16 years old, I worked a summer job at a park. My supervisor was
always regaling me with stories of his sexual escapades. I was
young, sex on the brain like any teenage boy, and his stories excited
me. Perhaps that is what he wanted. Anyway, he finally took me home
with him one night where he had me perform fellatio on him, and then
took me anally. I lived in a fever the rest of that summer and was
with him whenever I could be. Later, in graduate school, I read a
local ad placed by a dominant man looking for submissive men. I
answered that ad. He taught me true submission, tying me up,
spanking me, and other things along those lines. When I finally
graduated and took a professorship, all of that receded as I
concentrated on my burgeoning career. But five years later I
discovered that there were actually dominant women—a
revelation! Once that became a part of my consciousness, it never
left.
Angela: Of
course, just like vanilla relationships, it takes all kinds and we
all bring our unique perspective to the experience. Just how exactly
are you, yourself, submissive? What turns you on, presses your
buttons, and gets you going?
Daniel: For me,
Mistress—oops! I mean, Angela—it’s all about a
woman’s self-confidence, her innate knowledge that just by
being female and using her feminine superiority, she can bring me to
my knees. If she knows what she is doing, she can literally force me
into subspace just by raising an eyebrow or tapping her foot. If she
goes a step beyond that and slaps me, forget about it: I am putty in
her hands. I tend to like humiliation, being “put in my
place.” I have a bit of an ass fetish, so it ups the ante if
she makes me kiss hers. Emasculation is a major turn-on for me, too:
Being made to wear her panties, coerced into homosexual acts, or
forced to belittle myself in front of her/our friends. A lot of
mind/power games, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.
Oh, and I like strap-on training and whippings, too. Women in
leather are hot; they ooze power!
Robert: Tease
and Denial with a strong element of humiliation is a good start.
Foot and shoe worship, ass worship, a collar and a leash. I really
like being made to admit my “dirty” desires and my slave
status. While I can take some pain such as light CBT or nipple
torture, it works for me only when used to show me how my Mistress
can get me to do just about anything for her. I don’t really
like the forced-femme angle, except being made to buy and wear
panties, probably because it implies ownership: Her ownership of my
sexual organs.
Nick: It isn’t
so much the physical for me as it is the psychological mind control.
This woman—usually a boss, an aunt, a teacher (an authority
figure)—uses her seductive voice and feminine ways to disarm me
and then manipulate me. She doesn’t have to yell. Stern
commands and perhaps a light spanking will suffice. Little or no
equipment is necessary for me. Maybe some light verbal humiliation,
being occasionally tied up with scarves or nylons, or some hot wax.
I don’t want her harsh. I don’t want her loud. I want
her sweet, sexy, seductive, and sensual. In other words, I want her
to be “all woman.”
Samuel: The
number one key for me is humiliation. I want to be told how dirty
and low I am. The second key is homosexuality. Not only do I want
to be forced to service men, I want to be berated and debased the
entire time. I want to be used—that is why I am a slave! My
only purpose is to be used for another’s pleasure. My orifices
are for men to use at my Mistress’s invitation. While I can
take and do like a moderate amount of pain such as CBT, this must be
used as an enhancement and reinforcement to the humiliation and
forced homosexuality.
Angela: CBT?
Samuel, you’ve been holding out on me. Just you wait until the
next time I get my hands on you. And get that sheepish grin off your
face!
Jordan: He’s
still smiling, Angela. And Daniel was staring at your ass when got
up to get a glass of water.
Angela: So how
have you actually been able to engage the submissive sides of your
personalities? Do you call Phone Dominas? Have you sessioned with
Professional Dominatrixes or played with a significant other? How
often do you get to act on your desires? If you are married or have
a significant other, are you able to “play out” your
submissive desire with them?
Nick: I am
probably going to sound lame here, but I’ve never been to a Pro
Domme. Once, I did hire an escort whose orientation was fetish and
domination. She actually was very good and had all the “toys.”
It was my first and only experience in an actual dungeon. I had a
fantastic time with her, engaging in foot worship, bondage, spanking,
and things like that. I got lucky with an ex-girlfriend, too.
Before we became a couple, we were friends and had actually discussed
our fantasies. One night we were in bed when she (remembering our
long-ago conversation) grabbed my genitals and said, “These are
mine. Understand?” I do believe I fell in love with her right
then. Unfortunately, she moved out of the country, but until then,
we really had many wonderful times exploring the Dom/sub part of our
relationship.
Daniel: I have
been to Pros over the years. Sometimes it is really good,
sometimes—it’s not so great. While the Pros are usually
technically astute, a lot of times they just don’t get how
important the verbiage is to the session. It adds so much,
especially in my case, because the humiliation aspect is so important
to me. Most likely because of that very thing, I can get by most of
the time by calling a Phone Mistress. Again, some are more talented
than others. Like someone said earlier, it isn’t about yelling
and screaming. Some of the Mistresses I’ve spoken to over the
years just don’t seem to get it. And I did have a one-on-one,
personal relationship with a local Mistress a couple years back. It
lasted for eight or nine months and I had high hopes that it might
even develop into a long-term thing. But life got in the way and
that just didn’t happen.
Samuel: My wife
has no idea I am submissive. When we got married, I didn’t
even know or understand this about myself. And even once the light
started dawning, it took years for me to actually figure it all out
and get a handle on it. Once I’d come to terms with who I was
sexually, I really couldn’t bring it to her and just dump it in
her lap. Luckily, I have a good friend who is also dominant and she
has been willing to help me explore this side of myself. I am able
to visit with her once in a while and it is always a mind-blowing
experience. I have visited Professional Dommes on and off over the
years and, frankly, was usually disappointed. Like Daniel said, the
phone is a good tool for “humiliation junkies” if we find
a Phone Mistress that does it well. I use that avenue selectively,
but most of the time with effective results.
Robert: I am
lucky in that I do have a wife that is willing to “play”
D/s games with me in our bedroom. Over the last few years I’ve
seemed to need more. I would say that, on average, I’ve seen
either a Professional Dominatrix or an escort about every two months
or so. Since Tease & Denial is what really rocks my boat, I am
probably looking for the perfect blend of these archetypal women. Of
course, escorts are usually about “giving” rather than
“denying,” and I actually have to educate them about the
tease-denial dynamic. On the other hand, a lot of Dominatrixes are
about rules, bondage, punishment, and pain. They are used to
assuming the dominant role immediately, rather than seducing the
slave into submission. I’ve actually been experimenting with
instant messaging sessions on the Net lately with some pretty good
results. It seems to facilitate the tease and denial stuff pretty
well.
Jordan: While I
revealed my submissiveness to my wife early in our marriage, it just
wasn’t something she was capable of appreciating. The marriage
has lasted, she is a good wife and mother, and I love her. But I do
have this side that needs quenching; so over the years I’ve
tried to find ways to do just that! Over a period of a couple years
I saw two separate Pro Dommes at least a half dozen times each. In
each case there just came a time when it was time to move on. I’ve
had a fair amount of phone domination and I’d have to say my
best experiences with Dommes have been over the phone. I learn a
great deal from these women…about myself, about them, about
D/s in general. Of course, this does have its limits, as there is
only “virtual” physical intimacy, which can be
frustrating. Yet, there is a certain anonymity that is actually
quite freeing and can be incredibly powerful.
Angela: Tell me
about what you do with and/or for your submissive side on a
day-to-day basis. What about the times when you aren’t acting
it out with a Dominant Female? Do you just tap into it on “special”
occasions? Or do you keep it alive and ticking every day by reading,
or fantasizing, or surfing the net? Perhaps….none of the
above?
Daniel: I used
to like reading stories/fantasies about BDSM. Penthouse Variations
used to carry an occasional FemDom story and some of them were pretty
good. But it has been a while since I bought a copy. Like most of
us are want to do, I fantasize now and again. I will check out the
Internet occasionally, but usually get frustrated with the
over-the-top crassness, the pornographic emphasis on everything and
just give up. I have found a few good story sites, but even then,
you have to sift through the authors and stories to find what appeals
to you.
Jordan: The
porn on the Net that is presented as Domination is repetitive, banal,
predictable, and finally pretty boring. Now, when I look on the Net,
I am looking for a good partner and a compatible relationship of
which D/s is a major component. What can I say? While it can be
stimulating, it is mostly frustrating. Nonetheless, it keeps me in
touch with my submissive side. And when you know in your heart that
you are submissive, that is very important!
Nick: The mind
is a powerful thing. For me, the fantasies in my head are usually
quite sufficient. Like everybody else, I surf the Internet. I am
like Daniel in that regard, as I prefer stories, rather than
pictures.
Samuel: I check
it all out—fantasy, books, Internet and anything else out
there—but for the mental stimulation.
Robert: Ditto!
Angela: Well,
you pretty much all agree that verbal and mental stimulation are
major parts of your fantasy and real submissive lives. Let me ask
you this: What about fetishes? Do you have them? Are they
important to the D/s experience for you?
Samuel: While
dildos, leather, cuffs, chains, butt plugs, and all of the rest the
equipment can be a turn on, I have to reiterate here that for me it
is the humiliation angle. I want to be called names (whore, slut,
bitch), particularly in front of others. I want others to see what
my Mistress has forced me to do. And to witness how willingly and
eagerly I do it.
Robert: He’s
absolutely right. It’s funny because Samuel and I are very
different when it comes to what types of slaves we are and what kind
of Mistress we need. Yet, we both really need our Mistresses to talk
to us, to point out our submissiveness to us. The terminology that
will get each of us going is quite different from the others, but we
need to hear it all the same!
Daniel: It’s
almost like that is the only way to make our submission complete, to
validate it, to make it real. In other words, Mistress has to say it
for it to come true. But, along with that, I do have a thing for
leather. It just makes a woman look so powerful. Add to that a pair
of thigh-high boots and I am totally at her mercy. And I don’t
mind if she is bitchy, too. In fact I kind of like a cruel streak in
a woman.
Nick: While I
agree with my fellow slaves that what the Mistress says is very
important, I also have a few other turn-ons. For me, feet and legs
are the most important aspect of BDSM. This is, after all, how I
worship this beloved Goddess. At her command, I crawl to her and
lick the soles of her beautiful feet. Bondage is important, too. So
that I am immobilized as she “has her way with me.” Not
to mention some nice cock and ball bondage thrown into the mix! I
prefer soft fabrics for binding such as scarves and stockings. Of
course, many slaves like metal rings, leather cuffs, chains, and
such.
Angela: In a
perfect world, what would be your ultimate Domination scenario?
Samuel: That’s
an easy one! To be totally used and abused by my Mistress. To be
whored out by her for the world to see. To be forced to suck cock
and to be anally raped while everybody watches.
Nick: I have so
many fantasies about this that I could go on forever. Basically, it
would start with an older, powerful woman catching me looking at nude
pictures and masturbating. Of course she would have to admonish and
punish me. She’d order me to remover my clothes. “You
like naked girls?” she would say. “Well, I like naked
boys! Get your clothes off now!” Once I was naked she would
“inspect” my body, perhaps noting my small penis size.
From there she would tickle, prod, and tease. At some point she
would put me across her lap, making sure my penis is between her
thighs and administer a spanking. I would be totally at her mercy.
There is a lot more, but I think you get the picture.
Jordan: These
days I tend to think in the long-term. Rather than pondering a scene
or a scenario, I am titillated by the possibility of being a 24/7
slave. I like the idea of being molded, revealed, and transformed.
This wouldn’t be about me, but about my Mistress. I could
never forget, even for a second, that I was her slave, that I
belonged to her. She could train me, perhaps even to the point of
obsessive Pavlovian obedience. My only purpose would be to fulfill
her every wish and desire.
Robert: Geeze,
Jordan! Are you an ass-kisser or what?
Jordan: You’re
confusing me with Daniel. He’s the one with the ass fetish.
Angela: Ok, I
need to tie things…
Daniel: Me, me,
me, Mistress. Tie me up!
Nick: Oh, Miss
Angela, I have some silk scarves in my car.
Robert: No,
don’t listen to them. Tie me up! I will be such a good little
slave.
Samuel:
Mistress, I have some strong nylon rope down on the boat.
Jordan: Oh,
Goddess, if it is what you wish, I will kneel before you.
Daniel: This is
not fair! I asked her to tie me up first!
Angela: Stop
pouting, Daniel. Nobody is getting tied up. What I was going to say
is that I need to tie up this little round-table interview. Why
don’t you each just say something pretty for me? Just say
something sweet and nice and pretty about BDSM in general, or how you
feel about our time together today, or even some last thoughts you
might have. Go ahead. Who wants to be first?
Nick: I just
want you to know how much being able to talk with you about this
meant to me. I am grateful that someone out there cares to listen.
You are absolutely awesome, and I think you really understand and
appreciate the male submissive. Please thank Sex Kitten for having
us and send them my best wishes.
Daniel: I think
you said it best when you said to me a while back that true dominants
respect and cherish their slaves. I’ve always felt that from
you, which makes it easy to take your abuse when you’re dishing
it out. And I thank my lucky stars every day that you sure do know
how to dish it out!
Samuel: This
was really a lot of fun. But you always know how to make things fun.
In fact, I count on you for that! You beat me up, then make me
laugh. What a deal! Thanks!
Robert: I guess
what I would like the readers to know is that we of the BDSM ilk are
as uniquely different from each other as “vanilla” people
are. Resist the urge to “box us in.” As you can see by
this group, it comes in a veritable rainbow of flavors. And this was
only five of us. Multiply that number exponentially and the
possibilities and variations are just about endless. Another thing
is that we are constantly evolving, testing boundaries, trying new
things. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.
Jordan: D/s, is
an extravagantly romantic gesture in a lot of ways. If you take a
close look at a slave, what you see is really just a modernized
version of Prince Valiant, Don Juan, or Prince Charming. Give us a
chance, ladies. There are millions of us out here and we’re
waiting to serve you!
© Angela
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