The Ladder Theory
Here's how the theory goes. When we meet members of the opposite sex, we immediately attach a value to them that determines where they fit in relation to other members of the opposite sex. You can think of it like a ladder. You place a person on the ladder based on how "hot" they are to you, basically ranking them on the ladder by how much you'd like to fuck them. At the top of your ladder is the person you'd give your nipples to fuck. At the bottom you'll find the person you'd fuck if you were drunk but then you'd never admit it later.
Google this: “The Ladder Theory” Or never mind, here, I’ll just give you the url: http://www.laddertheory.com This is a fascinating theory to explain male-female sexual relationships. The man who came up with this idea suffers from thinly-disguised hostility toward women and I suspect he’s found himself on the Friends Ladder more times than he’d admit, but there’s enough truth to his theory to amuse me more than it offends.
Here’s how the theory goes. When we meet members of the opposite sex, we immediately attach a value to them that determines where they fit in relation to other members of the opposite sex. For men, the value is determined mostly by looks and for women, by money (according to the author). You can think of it like a ladder. You place a person on the ladder based on how “hot” they are to you, basically ranking them on the ladder by how much you’d like to fuck them. At the top of your ladder is the person you’d give your nipples to fuck. At the bottom you’ll find the person you’d fuck if you were drunk but then you’d never admit it later.
Fine. Except that women actually have two ladders. One is the “real” ladder, as described above, and the other is the Friends Ladder. Between the two is a great Abyss. If a guy is on the Friends ladder, he can not fuck her. He can make an attempt to jump over to the other ladder, but if he fails (and most do), he’ll fall into the Abyss.
Does this strike a chord with you, as it did with me? I have a lot of male friends. Most of them very attractive, good earning, nice guys. Nothing in the world wrong with them from a dating perspective. But if you asked me why I wouldn’t date them (or fuck them), my answer would be “Oh, he’s a friend.” I would be unable to come up with any other reason. He is no uglier or poorer than the guys I date. For some reason, he ended up on my Friends Ladder and unless something drastic happens, there he will stay. I don’t think of him “that” way.
How to explain this to a guy who wants to be more than a friend? “It’s not you. There’s nothing wrong with you, I just don’t think of you that way.” “I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship.” “You’re like a brother to me.” No wonder men cringe when they hear these corny lines! But what else can we say when what we mean is “You’re on my Friends ladder and I’d rather have you stay there than risk losing you to the Abyss if you fail to make the jump to my Real Ladder.”
But for men, as Harry pointed out in When Harry Met Sally any attractive woman is going to be high up on his ladder and he would fuck her. Friends or not. If loyalty isn’t a factor (such as one of them is married or she is the ex-girlfriend of one of his best friends) then the only thing that would prevent him from fucking her is if she wasn’t interested. Even if loyalty is a factor, he thinks of her as fuckable, and many men wouldn’t let loyalty stand in the way to begin with.
The question addressed in that movie is whether or not it’s possible for men and women to be friends in light of the fact that the man always has the woman on his Ladder somewhere (meaning he wants to fuck her on some level). I say, sure. Men know they will not be allowed to fuck 99% of the women on their ladder, so they can certainly adjust to the torture of being “just friends” with a woman and knowing they’ll never do it.
Considerate women will remember the Ladder Theory and show kindness to their male friends by not treating them the same way they would their female friends. Like, refrain from changing clothes in front of them or asking them to hold you and cuddle or inviting them to sleep in the same bed (“but just sleep”). Be sensitive to the poor bastards.