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The Garden of Earthly Delights One man's trip down masturbatory, err, memory lane... We Sex-Kitten's definately agree that art can be so, well, stimulating.
By: Jake
Like most kids in the early 1960’s, my access to erotica was limited to looking at the bare-breasted women in National Geographic... That is, until I discovered a book of classical paintings hidden in a closet. Oh my God, there were pictures of naked people! My parents never suspected that I was peeking at pictures of the Naked Maja and The Birth of Venus under the covers with a flashlight.
These types of illustrations fueled my boyish masturbatory fantasies. I soon discovered a triptych by some guy named Hieronymus Bosch from back in the 1400’s. There, in the dominant center panel, was an orgy going on! The gloriously nude figures may have had features similar to my sister’s Barbie doll, but everybody was still buck naked! And they were touching and doing things with each other’s private parts! Did Mom and Dad know about this?
The first panel showed Adam and Eve and they were completely bare-- just like I’d heard about in Sunday School. I wondered if Eve smelled as good as Kelly Lawson sitting next to me in her frilly dress? Despite the virtual absence of genitalia, I sure wasn’t thinking “Sunday School” when I looked at the picture.
The painting didn’t even depict nipples on the women, but I knew they must have been there. I knew the native women in National Geographic did. I wondered - Did Kelly? I could only imagine what Kelly would look like in all her glory.
I guess the third panel of the painting was supposed to be hell. It still had naked people, but they didn’t seem to be having fun. (Later, that third panel was used as album cover art for Deep Purple and Pearls Before Swine) But looking at the first two panels always fed my fantasies better. Eve was such a vixen-- just like how I imagined Kelly to be.
 I grew up and discovered that the painting was supposed to be all about the seven deadly sins and hell and all that. That took all the fun out of it. (Nothing like the threat of hell to put a damper on things.) But, I’ll always remember "The Garden of Earthly Pleasures" as the first place that I saw images of wild sex.
By the time I was a teenager, I discovered what Kelly looked like underneath her dress-- and it was not the smooth Barbie doll look at all. She had nipples and more. A whole lot more! Thank you, Mr. Bosch!
A former musician, Jake grew tired of a life of sex, drugs and rock & roll. He decided to grow up and clean up at last and return to school. He graduated with a degree in English/Journalism and refocused his creativity into writing. His favorite subjects to write about are sex and relationships. The spirit of Rock & Roll is alive and well in his musings.
Rock on, Jake!
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