Hormones- If you can't beat them, laugh at em...

This is a serious subject. Therefore, I will refrain from citing that cheap old joke, how do you make a “whore-moan”? I will not even dignify that one with an answer.... It depends on the situation anyway.

We‘re all hostages to hormones--whether it’s estrogen, testosterone or whatever. They’re like the weather. Everybody talks about them but nobody does anything. All the madness supposedly started in 1902 with some guys named Ernest Starling and William Bayliss. They discovered something called secretin, the hormone which is secreted by the duodenum that stimulates pancreatic secretions.

Starling is the one credited with introducing the term hormone in a 1905 lecture.

Thanks a lot, Ernie.

The reality is that these guys didn’t really “discover” anything. They just arbitrarily assigned a name to what people have been dealing with since the beginning of time. I suppose that although we’re all hostages to hormones in one way or another, at least now we have somebody to blame…

Ah, forget about anything profound or insightful. If you girls don’t mind, I’ll just be the typical man that I am.

I found this handy guide on the Internet that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other. I’d like to share it with you -

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

___________________________________________________

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

___________________________________________________

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

___________________________________________________

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

___________________________________________________

I’m sure there must be testosterone jokes out there too, but I think it would be best for me to leave that to you ladies…. I used to live with a woman in the throes of menopause and she wound up unceremoniously throwing ME out. I’m married now to another woman who may have recently been through “the change,” but I’d prefer to stay married. I’ve learned when to just say “Yes, dear.” That’s an old standby. A guy would be wise to rephrase that sentiment to make it sound less sarcastic, but it sure beats the hell out of a kick in the balls. I’ve been there, done that too.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with this little joke about the crazy things that hormones can do to a person:

A couple in their 50’s handled their hormonal changes this way:

Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up.

There you have it, my take on hormones. Truth is I don’t understand ‘em at all. I don’t think anyone really does, but we can all still laugh about it, can’t we?