Fantasies Vs Realities

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Many times fantasies are full of shit. I don't refer to fantasies of poo, but fantasies in which the fantasizer is a bit out of touch with reality. Sometimes, these are not fantasies, these are cries for help.

Case in point, Sex with a Virgin fantasies. Virgins have no real powers ~ not with unicorns, not with volcanos, and not for or with your cock or pussy. Virgins are one-shot-wonders at best, and clumsy, slow to learn students at worst.

For those of you who have no experience with popping someone else's cherry, I say remember your own first time. You were not the moon, the sun and the stars for your first lover. You may have not sucked completely. You may have been wonderful because they loved you. You may even have delivered and orgasm to your partner, but this was the result of either A) your partner's lowered expectations (likely heightened by their excitement for the two or six of you to progress in your level of intimacy), B) beginner's luck (otherwise known as dumb luck), or C) a combination thereof.

You can not learn everything about sex from a book. Not all women or men, nor any two bodies, are alike as far as instant success as a lover. Your reading will serve you well, but only if you practice. The virgin has no practice time in.

More proof of the virgin's lack of power is to remember the first time with any new partner. It's always the worst, technically anyway. It takes time to learn what buttons to push, where to line up for best mutual satisfaction, and how long to stay there before moving on... The same is true for the first time you have anal sex, sex in a new position, group sex, etc. Again, those of us being honest about these times will recall how the excitement of doing it for the first time compensated for the lack of technical merit. We liked it enough to keep doing it and get it right. Hopefully, our partners felt the same.

And so, virgins are over-rated. The Virgin Jim was the exception to this rule. Since he's long been removed from the virgin population, what makes you, dear reader with the fantasies of virgins, think there is another?

If reading this does not convince you, if you feel your gravitation towards the unexperienced is too strong, that it's near or at obsessional, I suggest you ponder on the following:

Fantasies about virgins more often have to do with the fantasizer's need to feel in control. It's about being the teacher, the more experienced one, even the better one. And while it's OK to once and a while reassure ourselves that we are good, that we do rock worlds, the dwelling on fantasies where we rock only due to the virgin's inability to compare us with anything, well, that's sort of sad, isn't it? It's as sad as those past clients of mine who wanted to know ~ needed to believe ~ that they were the best, the biggest, the most unique sex partner I ever had because then, after a pro had said so, they could put 'World's Best Lover' on their resumes.

These are not fantasies, these are cries for help.

Another example of dumb fantasies is the 'celebrity by fuck' fantasy. Sure, we all have a celebrity, or several, we'd like to screw. I for one would like to screw Steven Colbert and George Clooney ~ yes, perhaps at the same time, should they be into that and into me more than each other.

However, I am rather grounded in reality, realizing this is not likely to happen (any time soon, at least), and don't view these fantasies as the day my life really shall begin. I also don't expect anything to happen because of this sex. I certainly hope for orgasms all around, perhaps a nice smile at the door, and if we should meet again, another smile for one another (if not another round of delights). But I do not believe that by fucking one or both of them that I, Gracie, shall A) have them fall madly in love with me, or B) will grow in pop culture status and become a celebrity myself.

Too many folks have these sort of delusionary attachments to screwing celebrities. The love and marriage dreams ought to be out-grown as we pass through puberty and adolescence. The latter, oh the latter, this should never even be part of our fantasy process.

This sort of fantasy goes beyond the sex. It also shows basic immaturity, and if I as an untrained psychologist may point out, some rather fundamental identity issues if not problems with personal happiness.

Yet many adults hold onto this silly business. It's another sad scenario to watch a person believe their pussy power (or penis power) is rated in relation to the grande personas they screw.

One does not gain in stature by screwing famous people, so-called famous people, or professional sex workers. And one should never even think of a celebrity, or anyone else, as 'greater' than 'you' especially in terms of sex. To do so only sets yourself up for doormat status. For more on this, read Rude, Rude, Rude.

I could go on and on with my thoughts on the flaws in fantasies. But then I would sound anti-fantasy, and I most assuredly am not. What I caution against is the kinds of fantasies which are really not about sex, but about our own inherent flaws and lack of personal happiness. It is doubly dangerous when we allow such fantasies to rule our relationships and personal lives.

I say, let sex be about sex. I encourage fantasies, as entertainment and sexual acts. But you need to know not only what your fantasies are, but what they are about, especially if they are about more than just sex. If you need help with that, let me know ~ As a woman and a sex worker, I can help. But don't hide behind fantasies, or let delusions dictate your desires, because that only leads to disappointment, failed relationships and sex acts, even impotence and a frigid nature.

With much affection,
Gracie

 

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