Gays Are People, Too - Sex~Kitten.net

This week is Gay Pride Week in Minneapolis. I write this, not as a member of the Gay Community, but as the surrogate mother of four gay and lesbian children…

Before I tell you something about my “kids,” I want to pose a question. Who would choose a life where they are rejected by their birth family, beat by those who fear what they don’t know, and discriminated against for employment? I also want you to know I am proud of each one of my “kids.” They have struggled to come to terms with their sexuality in an atmosphere that was less than understanding and accepting.

Rachel was my first daughter. I have known her since she was about four years old. Her first words to me were “Talk to me.” She is brilliant. But throughout her school years she struggled with being different in more ways than one. First, in a community that did not value intelligence, her mind processed what she saw in a way far advanced for her years. It was not until her high school years that she realized she was lesbian, and for a teen this is devastating. Imagine coming of age sexually and then imagine you realize you do not fit the normal sexual role expected of you.

The obstacles Rachel has faced are typical of many lesbians. I remember when she found out her cousin was the one who beat a gay man to death in a church parking lot. I could see the fear in her eyes when she told me about finding out he was the one who did it. It was her own cousin…someone she grew up with who was capable of such blind hatred toward someone who was sexually different. It was a realization of the danger she faced as a lesbian and it was close to home.

Not only did Rachel face the danger of her life style, she also found her family could not accept her life and her partner. A couple of years ago Rachel and Phyllis decided it was time to proclaim to the world their commitment to each other. They could not legally marry in the state, but they could bind themselves to each other. As Rachel and Phyllis promised to love and honor each other, one set of parents was missing. Rachel’s parents could not…would not…attend the ceremony. The irony is their relationship has lasted longer than my marriage.

Phyllis has raised two sons. She followed her military husband around the world. She kept house and did all the things that society expected from her. She had molded herself into the role expected of her. But something was always missing. Phyllis was luckier in her relations with her parents and her children. Though they would have wished a different relationship for their daughter, they did accept Rachel as her partner. As she struggled with her sexual awakening, her sons were supportive: they were gay and understood.

Tones and Lugh are Phyllis’ sons and my “sons,” too. Their sexual preferences lend credence to the idea that there may be a genetic link to homosexuality. But that aside, they, too struggled to become comfortable with their identity as gay men. Tones flames. I can’t say it any other way. Of all my children he is the only one that just by looking at him and his actions you could say “He’s gay.” He fought his way through high school, literally. The boys in school tried to beat him on a regular basis just because he was obviously gay. He struggled with jobs. He tried, for a while, to reconcile his father’s expectations for a military career and his homosexuality. However, it is Tones who I will take with me when I need to go shopping for new clothes. He has a sense that is incredibly “right on” as to what looks good on someone, even me. He works at a regular job, just like the rest of the world, and attends college. He has life goals just like the rest of the world.

Lugh has always been the quieter one. However, he has not escaped unscathed. Working at one of our famous department stores, he was followed home one night and beaten by a co-worker who hated gays. He too attends college and looks forward to a career where he can make a contribution to the world in general.

Yes, all of my children have struggled with reconciling their sexual preferences with the expectations of the world around them. But are they any different than the rest of us? Not really. Except for Tones, you would never know any of them were gay/lesbian just by looking at them. They have attended colleges and worked. They want the same things all of us want. They want someone who will love them. They want friends and family, both gay and straight, to accept them for who they are. They want educations and jobs that are fulfilling. In all ways except their sexual preferences, they are just like the rest of the world.

So, what do I do? My first job is to accept and admire my children for who they are and what they have accomplished.

Am I going to march with the Gay Pride this week? No, I cannot physically do that. But I am going to take every opportunity I can find to educate and explain from a straight person’s point of view, starting with debunking a few of the myths that abound.

First of all, no gay/lesbian person will force his/her attentions on you. I have gone bar hopping with my kids. I have been hit on by lesbians. But once they know I am straight they did not force their attentions on me. They sat and talked with me, just like any other person, in a bar.

All gays/lesbians have AIDS. This is incredibly narrow minded and just plain wrong. AIDS is heterosexual. Not one of my kids is AIDS positive. There are more heterosexual partners who are becoming HIV/AIDS positive than are among the gay/lesbian community. In many countries more men infect their wives than any other segment of the population. Sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, know no preference. My very hetero son became infected with a sexually transmitted disease, luckily not with AIDS, but he was at risk. Several of the heterosexual students I worked with have to be tested regularly because they found their partners were AIDS positive.

I work with people I know are gay/lesbian. They do their jobs. We talk about what we are working on. We talk about friends and family. Some are people I like because of their political position, their personalities, or their abilities in their jobs. Some I don’t like, and for the same reasons I dislike the woman who comes to work, spends hours on the phone shopping and looking for a house to buy on company time. I like and dislike both gay/lesbian coworkers for the same reasons I like and dislike straights I work with.

I am politically active. I believe everyone should have the same rights as I have. Discrimination for any reason…race, religion, sexual preference…is not right. A life partner, whether gay or straight, should have the same rights. There is something wrong with a society that will grant partner rights to a heterosexual couple who are not legally married (common law marriage) and deny those same rights to life partners who are of the same sex.

I consider it terribly wrong that a state first grants partner insurance coverage and then rescinds it (Minnesota did that), and I will stretch every rule and regulation to make sure the partner receives the medical attention he so badly needs.

It is reprehensible for government to invade the bedrooms of our country whether or not we are straight or GLBT. It is equally wrong to criminalize the possession of sex toys, bdsm or homosexuality. And I will lend my voice to those working to change these draconian laws still on the books.

Let’s face a reality: GLBT people are different from you and me in only one way. And it is not contagious. They are your children, friends, and coworkers.