BDSM Stereotypes by Birgit Connor

For years the fact that the BDSM community exists was strictly taboo on television. For the last couple of years at least a couple of my favorite TV shows have acknowledged that the BDSM community does exist. However, I do have some major problems with the way the lifestyle is depicted.

Law & Order was probably the first popular television show that had episodes in which members of the BDSM community played a major role in the show. The first one I saw involved a murder (there is almost always a murder on the show) of a political official. During the show we learn that the political official was a sub. The problem I have with the show is that the domme orchestrated a murder by commanding another sub to kill the public official. And we are left no doubt about how Lenny Brisco feels about BDSM, and it’s not great.

CSI was the second show that devoted several episodes to characters in the BDSM community. Lady Heather is one of my favorite characters. She is articulate, intelligent and complicated. The writers of the show took their time to find out about the BDSM community. (Maybe one of them was a member.) There were discussions of power exchange. The psychological implications of the domme/sub relationship were explored. And we do have several characters who voice the revulsion of the general public. However, here again, it was a member of the BDSM community who committed the murder. Lady Heather was popular enough that she was brought back the next season. This time it is her daughter who is murdered and she does take her revenge.

It is great the existence of the BDMS community is acknowledged. But, in each case the members of the community are depicted as warped or sick. This feeds into the stereotype that “leather people” are weird. That is the message to which I object.

For the most part, subs and dommes/doms are no weirder than the person sitting in the next cube at the office. Most of us do not advertise our sexual preferences. It was only on the Internet that I discovered someone I worked with was a devoted sub who loved to be spanked. You would be surprised that the most dictatorial boss can be the most submissive sub who loves to be humiliated on the weekends or the mousy petite secretary is the most demanding domme you could ever meet. And BDSM is not all about leather, whips and chains. I know you have heard the line before…it’s about power exchange. It can be as simple as taking directions regarding positions in bed from your partner to as complicated as a full-fledged role-playing scene. Bondage can be as simple as maintaining a position while you are tickled or as complicated as cuffs and being bound to the bed or St. Andrew’s cross. Levels of pain can vary from being patted on the rear by the spatula from the kitchen to being whipped with a leather flogger.

So, what do I want? I want to see the BDSM participant as the hero. I want to see her as the person who helps solve the murder and lifestyle activities are simply a part of the personality. I want to negative stereotypes to end and the depiction to be as positive as it is for the school teacher…who just might be into BDSM.

Yes, I am glad to see the scene at least shown on popular television. I just want it to be more positive and not feed the negative stereotypes.