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Book Review of Fondling Your Muse by John Warner I bought this book because it sounded like a great book to inspire the naughty side of my creativity. I figured if anything could get my muse in the mood to inspire me it would be some heavy duty fondling. I hoped this book would tell me how to do it better or do it right since I obviously have been doing something wrong because the bitch walked out on me and I really need her back.  “All of us can have access to the creative power of the muses, but before you can tap this rich vein of inspiration, it’s important to recognize that the muses are women which means three things: They are slow to warm up; they are fickle; and they will not shave their legs in the winter, no matter how many times you ask if somehow Sasquatch has snuck into the bed.” (page 31). Oh, I can so relate, at least to the first two. Being a woman myself I know how cold and fickle we can be and I surely know my muse is the same, now the hairy thing don’t happen in these parts neither by me or the slippery thing that is my muse. My muse is more like a slithering hairless reptile coated in baby oil hopped up on speed or coke or maybe just a lot of caffeine; anyway you just can’t get a hold of her sometimes.
John Warner is a writer, teacher, and editor with a Masters Degree. You think this would qualify him to write a great book of writing advice. “In addition to an undergraduate degree from the University of Illinois and a level III certification from Mr. Manny’s House of Wax and Tan, I also have a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing. If you’re asking if this makes me qualified to opine on matters of writing and publishing a best selling novel, despite the fact that I’ve never written or published a best selling novel, the answer is: as far as you know” (pg 28) He wants this to be a book that will help you get your creative juices flowing so you can write that best selling novel you’ve always wanted too. It hasn’t got me on my way to writing that novel yet, but at least I’m writing something (even if it is just a book review of this book).
In the prologue he advises that you read the book slowly. “The wisdom in these pages is succulent and rich, like fudge topped with Haagen-Dazs ice cream and chocolate sauce. Eating too much or too quickly will result in diabetes.” At the very least it will result in an extreme stomach ache.
This book has moments of humor mixed with dubious amounts of wisdom that randomly appear on the pages amid the humor and ego. At some point I thought, “This guy is on some serious drugs”. Fondling Your Muse is one long manic episode put to ink and paper. Warner must surely be bipolar (most writers are).
Warner’s humor sometimes comes off as egotistical. In the opening for the chapter about writing hotter sex scenes he says: “For most of us the only thing more difficult than writing a good sex scene is actually having sex. And when I say us, I actually mean you. I have no problem getting sex.” Yeah, right. All of the erotica authors can just skip this short chapter because like most mainstream writers, this guy really doesn’t have a clue about writing sex scenes.
If you can get past Warner’s over inflated ego, sometimes senseless humor and manic episodes spewed out across the page there is some great wisdom and writing advice in this book…somewhere.
Fight procrastination and read this book, of course since you’ll be reading the book you still won’t be writing so I guess you’ll still be procrastinating. Oh well, this book is worth a couple laughs and maybe a few light bulbs turning on in your head. Humor is sometimes the best way to get a woman’s attention so this book may be just you’re your elusive muse needs. So go ahead and Fondle Your Muse; sooner or later she’ll give you some good ideas.
Review by Roxanne.
Title: Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice From a Published Author to the Writerly Aspirant
Author: John Warner
Publisher: Writer's Digest Books (September 15, 2005)
ISBN: 1582973482
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