With Friends Like This...

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Ever been betrayed by a safety pin? I was. Or better yet, the red-headed slag that was holding it...

Tricks with no treats are as appealing as deep-fried donkey balls. But sometimes, the menu can be a little unclear and you don’t realize what you’ve ordered until it’s rolling around in your mouth. Or even worse, it’s already hit your belly.

My friend *Melinda was like that. She was deep-fried donkey balls. But she was covered in chocolate sauce, so I didn’t realize it until after they’d already hit the belly in a serious way.

And by serious, I mean that there could have been something else baking in the belly, if you get my drift.

She’d just found out that she was pregnant, you see. She didn’t want to do it alone. So she got into my stash of condoms that I was taking on a trip with my boyfriend that weekend and shoved a safety pin through each and every one.

I find it ironic that she used a “safety” pin.

Now, you’d think that it might have been avoided because for the most part, you could see daylight through a big, bastard hole in a little square that had been put there by something that was like in size to a kilt pin. But the boyfriend and I were still at the hot and heavy stage; we didn’t inspect the things before using them. It was like NASCAR, five seconds from ripping the package open with the closest set of teeth to being balls deep and slamming away like rabbits on crack.

It was only when I was cleaning up after our glorious three-day weekend of Olympic Triathlon Fucking that I found the wrappers; the holes in that shiny foil looked like gunshots.

First thing I did when we got back was call Melinda and tell her what happened; that there were holes in all of the condoms. And she sounded surprised for only a moment before confessing what she’d done.

I was barely able to restrain myself from shoving those wrappers down her throat.

*names have been changed to protect the unbalanced

© Saranna
Saranna is the girl who's been around the block, but lives next door. She currently works as a writer, editor, reviewer and Amazon Goddess. She writes erotica, horror and a disturbing mix of the two. You can read more of her work at Tit-Elation, Oysters & Chocolate, and at her new website, Saranna DeWylde.com. Or come say hello to her at MySpace where you can find more information about her writing, or either of her two companies: Edified Editorial Services and Custom Erotica. She loves to hear from her fans.

 

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