Shakedown! - Sex~Kitten.net

Most people would assume the hardest aspects of running an escort service are avoiding the cops or dealing with clients who are jerks or who won't pay. They're not. The hardest part is dealing with the escorts themselves. Either they don't pick up their phones when you need them, they're not of the right quality, suddenly get a headache when you have a job for them, or worst of all, won't pay up my cut of the fee after a job.

Most escort agencies take a 50-50 cut of escorts' fee on each job. I've always found this to be ludicrous considering the escort is doing a lot more for that money than an agency is. Most agencies maintain their cut is for advertising costs, maintaining a base of regulars, and screening calls and clients for the girls. I take considerably less than half and tell all girls that work for me that I will meet with them after each job to collect my fee. I even come to wherever is most convenient for them, unlike other agencies I worked for that made you go out of your way to meet them. Still, after all this, I've been ripped off for as little as $50 from girls who'd I'd treated very well. It's something you expect in this business but nothing you ever get used to.

About a month ago, I had a girl named Liz call me up for work. Her voice wavered like someone who'd been crying a lot, but I needed new talent and decided to give her a shot. Normally, I ask to meet girls at a neutral location for the initial interview, possibly a coffee shop of restaurant near where they live. Seeming exhausted, Liz just asked me to meet her at her apartment, which even I thought was a dumb idea on her part. She wasn't exactly a knockout, but her blonde hair and blue eyes were definitely a plus in this business so I hired her on.

The next night she called me desperate for work so I dialed up one of my best regulars who always likes to check out my new talent. Once again, too tired to leave her apartment, she asked for the client to come over to do an incall, which worked out perfectly for him. As soon as she was done with the call, she rang me up and we made plans for me to collect my split of the money. It was too late that evening for me to pick it up so we agreed to meet up the next day. This was probably the mistake on my part knowing all too well that once you have that cash in hand, the temptation to spend it is all too great.

The next day I called in the afternoon to collect the fee, but she was running errands and asked if I could stop by that evening. Sure enough, that evening she was going out to dinner with friends and promised to call me when she got back in. No call. The following day she had some different excuses, but maintained she was available to take calls, just not to drop off my money. By the third day, she wasn't returning my calls and I was getting irritated. I left several messages over the next few days with no response before finally calling her from a blocked number. She answered and notified me she was at her mother's house in the suburbs, but would be home at 5PM that night. So I waited for her call and when I got no response, I left a message or her stating that if she didn't call me back and hand over my money, I'd have someone else "come over and get it for me." After all, I knew where she lived.

At this point I was totally bluffing about someone coming over to her house. I don't use gangster methods to retrieve money and don't really have anyone to perform such methods if need be. I figured I'd be ripped off once again and was smarting about ever trusting this girl in the first place.

So the next night, I had my weekly dinner and drinks with Mark and Dave, my partners in porn and Seka, the former porn star. As I told Mark and Dave my predicament they offered to shake Liz down for the cash for me. I laughed it off, not thinking they could be at all serious, but when we got in the car to go home, Mark and Dave maintained they were very serious. Figuring this girl wasn't going to pay up, I thought maybe learning a lesson the hard way was right up her alley.

Mark and Dave were planning to do a phony pizza delivery story to get her to open the front door, but as we reached her apartment, the building's front door was wide open. Suck luck. I waited nervously in the car with the engine running.

Apparently Liz was a much dimmer bulb than I had even thought. She answered the door on the first knock with asking, "who is it?" at 11:30PM. When Dave and Mark stated they were there to collect my money, she admitted she didn't have it and tried to close the door on them. Both guys blocked the door and demanded some kind of collateral.

"Give us your glasses", demanded Mark.

"No I need them to see!" Liz responded

"Then give us the fish!" Dave said.

"It's my roommates' fish!" Liz was then threatening to call the police at this point, but the guys thwarted her attempt.

"What are you going to do? Tell the police your a hooker and that you owe someone money?" said Dave.

Finally, Liz's roommate, who had a little more sense than her, chimed in. "Just give them the DVD player." Liz unhooked it and handed it over, sans remote. The shakedown was a success.

I had expected the guys to either come running out in a state of panic or empty-handed after getting no response. Instead, twenty minutes after we pulled up, Mark comes out with a big smile on his face followed by Dave, holding a brand new DVD player. My mouth dropped open. They got into the car and the three of us began laughing hysterically recalling the details of what happened. Liz began calling my furiously, leaving messages on my voicemail, crying about how she planned to pay me as soon as she went to the bank.

The three of us were so high from the shakedown that we couldn't sleep. I woke up my best friend to tell her what happened. Mark emailed me the next day saying what a great time he had shaking Liz down and wondering if there were any more girls that owned me money. The two of us conspired to write a porn script involving the details of the shakedown. We were all completely inspired by this one incident. It was a case of pure schadenfraude.

Liz and I exchanged phone calls over the next few days, her calling me a thief and me explaining to her that she was the thief. I didn't want her DVD player and would be more than happy to return it. She admitted she spent the money and needed to go to the bank to get more, but never wanted to see me, Mark or Dave again. It was a logistical nightmare trying to plan the exchange of DVD player for the money. I was more than prepare to hand her property over, but once again, she stopped returning my phone calls. After four days I gave up and figured it was mine.

Now normally I wouldn't resort to these methods to retrieve money, but this girl called me begging for work and I went out of my way to find a client for her. It was the first job she did for me ever and during the interview I clearly explained how I collect the cash after each to call to prevent girls from spending it. And she did just that. I was pissed off. Liz essentially got what she deserved and the three of us have a treasured memory. I also think from now on she's never gonna rip off another escort service.

Think I'm a mean person? Well you'll be happy to know I had some bad karma coming my way. After driving around with the DVD player in my trunk for about a week, some kids broke into my car and took into along with my portable CD player. I figured something like this was coming my way. As much of a pain in the ass as that was, the shakedown was totally worth it.

Now I can say, "Don't fuck with Libby and her posse 'cuz we'll find ya. And take your electronics."