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Words The following is a silly conversation between Gracie & I. Me: Say it, come on, say it!
Gracie (sighing): Why?
Me: (way too happy for an adult who is not under the influence of illegal drugs): Cuz it’s really fun to say! I dare you to say it not laugh, or at least smile.
Gracie (inhaling deeply wearily says upon exhale): Naked gnomes.
*silence*
Gracie cracks a smile, and then they both laugh.
Me: See? It’s impossible to say without feeling happy!
Gracie: You’re ill, you know that, right?
Me: Hey, you laughed.
Gracie: I laughed cuz you’re such a pain in the ass that I had to laugh ~ sitting there with your puppy dog face beggin me to say a word ~ a phrase. Jeeze, you’re a dope.
Me: Shut up or I’ll make you say more. And some of them are not nice.
Gracie: What universe are you living in that saying or conjuring the images naked gnomes is ‘nice?’
Me: I know, the image of naked gnomes is almost as much fun as saying it!
Gracie sighs.
Me: Ok, try this one --
Gracie: No.
Me: You’d better listen now, or I’ll whip out the not-so-nice-ones...
Gracie replies after sucking on the straw in her wine bottle: Ok, I can see this is gonna be a fun night.
Me: Hey, even sober I do this. I love words.
Gracie: Why don’t you marry them then? Oh, yeah, you did ~ you married Az!
*laughter*
Me: Seriously, don’t you love words, to play with them? The way they sound, the etymology --
Gracie: Oh gawd, try to make your mental illness into some sort of lofty linguistically --
Me: You’re alliterating! (starts laughing)
Gracie just snorts.
Me: Ok, ok (as I light a cig) I love to say Paulina Porizkova, and remember Brian’s last name? Zeleznikar.. mmm, that would have been nice...
Gracie, sarcastically: OK, if those are the good ones, what are the bad ones?
Me (missing the sarcasm): Well, I love the sound of this, but you can’t say it out loud or near people, cuz it’s sad... Spina Bifida It’s a disease. But it sounds like a happy place or something.
Gracie: Yeah, where naked gnomes dance.
Both laugh, they can’t help it, it was ‘naked gnomes’ for God’s sake!
Gracie: Ok, I admit, I like iambic pentameter, but you can’t use that one often either.
Me: See?!
Gracie: Oh don’t be so proud of yourself. My favorite word is still crap.
I just sigh.
Gracie: Crap is yesteryear’s shit, but the crud of today.
Me (sputtering wine through my nose): What?!
Gracie: It’s only recently that crap has been an acceptable alternative to using the worse word of shit. Before, a person said crud --
Me: Or sugar! My mom says ‘sugar’ but says it so we all hear ‘shit’ anyway. Oh, and she also says ‘dude-ly darn’ too. *giggles*
Gracie: *Any*way, as I was saying before you went off about your weirdo mom, that crap was once as bad to say as shit. Crud was the polite term. Now you can say crap virtually anywhere.
Me: As long as it’s not around my mom.
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