Shopping: It's all in the image, dears

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Holiday season is looming large on the horizon. Soon most of us have to open our wallets & head to the malls, online or real world, and begin to select gifts to show how much we care.

Arguing if this is neccessary or not is a waste of time. And men, if you hate shopping, or just plain suck at it, get a grip. No amount of explaining, reasoning or begging will get you out of this gift-buying jam. You can't shirk this.

In fact, you should be welcoming the opportunity!

"An opportunity?" you say (or possibly snort).


This is your chance to not only show her how you feel, but maybe get a lil somthin' for yourself too...

Give her the right gift, and not only will you have a grateful girl on your hands, but maybe you'll get some gratification (without the use of your hands on your cock).

Wow her with the right gift, and end up in bed. Yes, Simple Simon, it is that easy.

You can go from Simple Simon, to the all-you-can-eat-Pie-Man with Gracie's simple rules:

#1 Think of her. This means get inside her head, and get inside her pants. If you know her fantasies, you'll get wet-pant-a-sies!

If your girl dreams of soft romantic nights, with a tender lover who will treat her like she is fine crystal, get her lingerie that shows you think of her as a Princess. Think soft pink, virginal white, baby blue baby dolls. Think pearls (give her the earrings, you can add the 'necklace' later.)

If you lady is a playful, naughty girl with fantasies of being hog-tied & spanked, get her erotic books with those themes. Buy her wild animal print lingerie. For heaven sakes, be sure to have the handcuffs, rope, paddles etc. on hand ~ Don't make her wait & loose the mood!

If she collects things, find her a nice piece, worthy of her collection. (Gracie is always impressed with gifts of vintage erotica ~ Just in case you wish to get in my pants! ;) )

If you don't know her fantasies...

What is wrong with you? How can you pursue a woman you don't even know? Time to start some serious hunting, and find out... Ask a few questions, sure, but hey, the best thing is to listen when she talks. No more tuning her out to those 'blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blahs' and nodding when she pauses. Really listen. Don't ask her friend. Friends don't always discuss intiimate sexual fantasies with each other ~ general sex talk, yes, but women always wonder: 'Is she into being tied up too? I don't know... I'll wait 'til she says something...'

#2 Think how long you have known her. If you have not gone past second base, don't give her the hot wax & bondage kit just yet... Start with something a bit less intimate, and let her make the move.

Again, if she dreams of being a delicate flower, try massage oil, a book of romantic poems, perfume with a floral scent, a delicate feminine pin. Something that shows you 'see' her that way, but not that says 'I am ready to jump your bones now.'

If she is the kind of woman that is into control, try gifts that show you appreciate her for the woman she is. Sexy red lipstick, tees with sassy sayings, maybe even some erotic poetry or jewelry with a bolder statement.

#3 The List If she gave you a list, for God's sake, use it! It means that she is either particular, really want those items, or your gift giving history has shown you suck. Don't suck again. Use the list.

**Other Tips**

Trust you instincts. If it seems too soon for that cat-o-nine-tails, it likely is... If you aren't dead certain that the girl you met at work wears conservative clothing just because she's at work, but would rather be in leopard print lycra, hold off on buying it. (Just because you can do nothing but see her in that lycra teddy, with a whip in her hands, doesn't mean she can!)

Better to err on the side of 'caution.'

General Bets Good Bets:

Pampering gifts ~ The key here is luxuxry. (Yes, this means expensive!)

Body lotion (nothing for $5 or less, please, and put it with a few other items from below.)

A gift certificate for a Massage (heavens, not from the local YWCA, a *real* spa)

A day at a spa ~ let her pick what she wants, don't do the 'day of beauty' unless she has gone on & on about one, it can bite you in the ass later with a 'so you think I need a makeover, huh?" comment...

Lingerie ~ Think sexy, not too trashy...

Black is a 'classic color' and usually flatters most women.

Baby Doll Sets are sexy, in a playful way, and fit most female bodies well.

Things to Avoid

Gift Certificates (unless sizes completely stump you & you are too lazy to peak at her clothing tags & ask a sales person for help ~ tisk, tisk, you don't deserve a lay!)

Why? Women like to know what you like. So show us the colors you want to see us in, the fantasies you have (that you think you share). Let us know what turns you on...

Avoid gifts you would give your secretary, Mom, Aunt etc.

Save the cheap fruit scented body lotions for folks you don't know well. Chances are, even if she likes the stuff, someone at work, or a family member, will get that for her anyway.

No sweaters, size meduim. Again, she will get plenty of these, enough to spend the first week after the holidays returning them. Plus, it shows your last minute desperation for a gift all too clearly.

No CDs. Unless it is a group you saw together, and you have a whole 'theme gift' with dinner, flowers & other 'remember when' memorabilia, it is just too damn generic. Let her sister buy it.

So, no more excuses! Put your heart into it, and later, you can put something else into it! ;)


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