The Art of Oral Sex - Sex~Kitten.net

I warn any man invited into the parlour not to promise the females in there anything, volunteer for nothing, even if they offer you sex and don’t be tempted by a free pass to Tit -Elation. I warn you it will all end in tears, yours.

These kittens are relentless in their chase for balls of wool and things they can get their claws into, and like all kittens they are sweet, innocent, lovable and playful but their claws are very sharp and to paraphrase Joker from Batman, they have 'Such wonderful Toys...'

Why then do I write this article? It is because of my cathartic experience with the Mustang kitten. No, she did not give me oral sex, not even with her words in the emails. But I think by the end of the 18 hours she had me talking like a prick.

Oral sex, indeed, as every profanity imaginable uttered forth from my fingers as they did the talking. I drank fine wine and my mind did the speaking for the last two hours of our interview.

She was very Gracious. (Did you cop that little fly-by Gracie? One has to doff one's hat when one gets the chance init?)

But why did Betti get me into oral sex? Simply this: because after 18 hours of me divulging my life, I woke up next morning I realised she knew an awful, awful lot more about me than I did her. What I had learned however was that she has an endearing charisma, a sense of humour, and I found I liked this woman a whole lot more than I had expected to.

So I took it upon myself to discover 'The Real Betti Mustang' and here is what I discovered.

She has curly hair with no bangs? She has a lovely back, a tattoo at the nape of her neck a clitoral ring piercing and a personal blog that tells you very little else -- and we speak the same language, bad language! The messages on her blog reveal the real woman, and now I draw closer to the point.

The first message that attracted me was, "Brains... not just for the smart anymore." Where it is explained that some insensitive arsehole talking about his current girlfriend uses the phrase "she gives great brains." This was a term as new to me as it was to Betti and I find it even more offensive than "good head" which was probably coined by some insensitive over-macho gay prick.

She goes on to say that, "granting a blow job, sucking dick, oral sex and fellatio are more acceptable terms," and I agree whole heartedly as long as I don't have to do it. Going down on pussy is my personal area of expertise.

She also goes on to mention Hillary Clinton and Jody Foster and I dared not let my imagination wander into that scenario but Betti was quoting them as smart women with brains. "I for one did not have sexual relations with any of these women," I said. "Hold my calls and sack my cook!"

I have to admit though that the whole thing to me was reminiscent of my first meetings with Jake and Roland 'et al' on the S-K message boards, especially on 'Do smart men want smart women' And my subsequent outburst at people giving brains or were they all giving oral sex (talking a load of erudite elitist bollocks.)

Betti's blog made me consider oral sex as a complete issue.

As an erotic writer I find the terms in common use for the practise are, to say the least, not erotic. Giving brains may work for the erudynamic amongst you but it does nothing for me. A complete mind fuck is something else totally. Blowjob is a complete oxymoron, and giving head is about as impersonal and insensitive as you can get. The only thing that comes close is 'Going down on her,' but the lack of an erotic descriptive in common use does make us writers use our talents to describe in intimate detail the wonderful experience that oral sex should be -- which is not my intention here, I am just paying a little lip service.

Oral sex is also talking about sex as well as performing it; does writing about it come under the same heading? (Pun not intended.) We talk to each other on email using words created by the fingers but nobody actually hears an email. During our email interview Betti asked me to talk to her, but how could I? I could only let my fingers do the talking and my mind not my mouth was doing the speaking. Nobody speaks but words are the currency.

When we write erotica are we creating oral sex only if some one reads it out loud? But you do talk the story in your mind. Or do you see the story in pictures -- hopefully so if my writing is good enough. But the fascination with words does not end there.

The advent of email has changed completely the role of words. It is a retrospective advancement. Once we thought the telephone was the miracle of the modern age but now we have returned to writing letters, instant letters that can be instantly answered. But oral sex and the telephone will never be separated, eh Angela? Sorry, I digress.

Words are a fascinating phenomena. We speak them, hear them, write them, read them, think them, listen to them, sing along with them, put them into songs, poetry, sexy stories, profanities, and if you’re a wordsmith like JakefuckingHorten you can make up your fucking own!

Why did I really write this article? It was a blatant excuse to put on display my explicit "Art of oral sex" artworks.

And to continue the ramblings of 'The Madman Down Under'.

© Tony Sacre
Resident Sex-Kitten.net Marlboro Man, who regularly enjoys the employ of hose, fryin' pan, editor stick, and other Sex Kitten tools.