Que Haces Desnudo? - Sex~Kitten.net

My fascination with hispanic men began with the Relentless Tease, followed by a monster crush on Antonio Banderas in Spy Kids, which led me to appreciate him even more in other Robert Rodriguez films, such as Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Oh my.

Then I lost my brain for a while over the Untouchable Object and, more recently, his brother the Trojan, both smokin hot Latinos who rocked my world. I've recently added another to my collection, and I'm pleased to discover a common trait among los chevarros--they bring all that sexy machismo right into the bedroom, and their reputation for fantastic lovemaking is well-deserved. Bless 'em.

Along the way, I've developed a healthy interest in hispanic culture and, in particular, the language. Thanks to two years of college Spanish, I can hack my way through a very basic conversation with a very patient partner, but I'd like to be fluent. So I've taken to making the Trojan and the new Latino pirate speak only in Spanish with me so I can practice. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for them, so I hope they know how much I appreciate it. I know they're aware how much it turns me on.

So anyway, believe it or not, this really is going to turn into a book review, just now.

I picked up two books of Spanish phrases:

The first is for kids. Way Cool Spanish Phrase Book by Jane Wightwick, who sounds like she may be even whiter than me. This comes with a mini-CD, presumably so that you can hear the way cool phrases as you read them, but having no access to a mini-CD player, this feature is useless to me.

This is "the Spanish that kids REALLY speak," according to the book cover, and it includes sections on making friends, playing games and sports, eating, clothes, hanging out (at the pool, beach or theme park), shopping/money, speaking to grown-ups (asking for assistance), numbers, and time. Nothing really new for me here, and I was disappointed to find no truly "way cool" Spanish phrases. Cute illustrations.

Hide This Spanish Book by Isabel Mendoza, an appropriately hispanic-sounding name. Okay, here we go, this is the source of countless way cool Spanish phrases, the things that I or any other cool person might really want to say in Spanish. Like, "Estoy arrecha, carino." (I'm feeling horny, honey.) Or "Tiene un buen bulto." (He's got a good package.)

How to ask, "Do you have condoms?" Tienes...forros? (literally, "covers")...capuchos? ("hoods")...impermeables? (literally, "raincoats").

And other important questions, like "Are you on the pill?" Or gay. Learn to say the following valuable phrases: "I'm going to poop." "I have a nipple piercing." "He's a player." "I have a hangover."

You never know when these might come in handy: "Dios santo, cubrete!" (My God! Cover yourself!) and "Que haces desnudo?" (What are you doing naked?)

But my favorite way cool phrase discovered in this book, one I can't wait to use myself is "Ella fuma como puta encarcelada." (She's a chain smoker--literally, "She smokes like a whore in jail.")