My friend Eden and I decided last month to have a regular porn night, whereupon we make dinner, drink some wine, and, of course, watch porn. A great tradition indeed, I thought, as I usually do most of my porn watching alone, and never masturbate to them. I watch porn like I'd watch any other movie, and often like to discuss the content with others afterwards. So now Eden can become the Roper to my Ebert.
Our first selection was Neu Wave Hookers, a 2005 're-envisioning' of the 1985 porn classic New Wave Hookers which originally featured such porn superstars as Ginger Lynn, Jamie Gillis, and an underage Traci Lords. This time around, the cast includes Sierra Sinn, Riley Mason, Justine Joli, alt-porn hotties James Deen and Tommy Pistol, and the always incomprabale Joanna Angel. The "Neu" version is not exactly a remake of the old one, hence the title change.
The film starts out with the girls visiting a rummage sale, where they find an old VHS copy of the original Hookers, which piques their curiosity. Along with the tape, they purchase a top-loading VCR player(I had one of these up until a few years ago) to watch it on and become fixated. The film makes them turn into 'working girls', just like the girls in the original, who work for an escort agency specializing in 'new wave' looking girls.
The film then takes an interesting, yet uncomfortable, turn. Each of the 'neu wave' girls is spotlighted on a job, with a creepy client, who insists on fondling them against their wishes. The scenes are purposely unerotic and designed to show the difficulties working girls face when encountered with a less-than-desirable client. As the scenes play out, the girls each give very real confessions about how they felt at the time, making the viewer feel really, well, squeamish. At first Eden and I were taken aback by this.
"This is a porn," I protested, "why would they include scenes like this?"
But Eden found the scenes to be refreshing. "I love it," she said after a few moments of slight shock, "it's so real and unexpected."
Sure enough, something about this movie makes the average porn viewer stop in tracks and re-examine their own views on sex workers.
Next up, the girls visit a male strip club and stand awkwardly while the men onstage feign attention for them. "Why do I feel like they care about us?" Joanna asks.
"Because that's their job," her friend replies.
Sure enough, the girls start making out with the male strippers and Joanna gets it on with a guy who has surely the tightest ass muscles I've ever seen (Kurt Lockwood).
"In a way, it's not arousing at all, but it is," Mara announced. I would have to agree. This is one porn that fucks with your head and we couldn't help but love it for that.
It's not to say the movie doesn't have it's fun moments. The best of which involves James Deen and Tommy Pistol, the two hottest guys in porn, who begin their DP scene with Sierra Sinn by lip-sync rapping to Dirty Sanchez's "Digit". Man, after all those serious confession scenes, this was a much needed laughter break. This is funny, clever, and totally unexpected...in a film full of unexpected scenes. Not to mention that if you're going to do a DP scene, these are the two guys you'd want to be sandwiched between. Seriously!
Still mesmerized by this "New Wave Hookers" movie, the girls take it upon themselves to break into the VCA (the film's distributor) headquarters, where they come across the infamous "Dark Report #2", which describes director Gregory Dark's account of 'discovering' (untrue) a young Traci Lords at a car wash. Lords was still underage when she appeared in the original "New Wave Hookers" and her scenes have been deleted from all current versions of the movie. Here, Dana DeArmond dons a blond wig and plays a young Lords and Tommy Pistol plays Greg Dark, who receives her blowjob in the bathroom of said car wash. The box cover calls it "the most provocative blowjob in DVD history", but they're lying. It's just average.
The three-way that follows involves Kurt Lockwood holding up petite Riley Mason upside down while she sucks his cock and he licks her pussy, while another girl licks his balls could only be described as "impressive." Not "erotic" or "hot", or, well, anything that would turn me on. But on a difficulty level as far as sex positions go, I would have to label it an 8. Or maybe a 9.
Unfortunately, the film ends with a boring girl-girl orgy completely with the requisite daisy chain of pussy eating, unenthusiastic moans and fake orgasms. At one point Eden said "unless I know the ass well, I don't want to do a rim job," but I forget what it was referring to so I'll let it stand at that. I'd have to say myself that no matter how bleached or sparkling clean the ass is, I don't want to do a rim job. Sorry friends, but that's where shit comes out of. But I digress. What were we talking about here?
Ah yes, "Neu Wave Hookers". Did I also mention this film has a kick-ass soundtrack? As soon as the credits started rolling, I pulled out my pen to start writing the names of the artists down, because I really wish this film had a soundtrack I could buy. Featuring bands like The Ponys, Avenue D, Gravy Train!!!, Dirty Sanchez, and Bedroom Walls, the music is a true enhancement to the film. So even if you hate the movie, you might love the music.
"Neu Wave Hookers" is a true porn experience. Not your average wall-to-wall sex porn, it has plot, real acting, and lots of great fucking. Some of the sex may be a little too hardcore for the novice viewer, but that's what the fast-forward button is for, after all. The juicy stuff in between the sex is where all the fun is. I also think that women may even prefer this film to men, given its nature, but either way, you've probably never seen anything like it. I'd say Eden and I were pretty much blown away by it in the end, even though our heads were spinning.
Porn that makes you think? Now there's a thought.
Review by Libby
Title: Neu Wave Hookers
Director: Eon McKai
Cast: Joanna Angel, Riley Mason, Justine Joli, Felix Vicious, Tiger, Sierra Sin, Veronica Hart, Cricket Suicide, James Deen, Tommy Pistol, Dirty Harry