The Sex Kitten History; The Sex Kitten Future
Years ago, when I started Sex Kitten it was just a site where me and my girls could hang out and talk like we usually do. We could have more public conversations, encouraging other women to join in the talk. It was fun, and it allowed more than a few who felt they were unable (or not allowed) to talk this way feel less inhibited and less alone. It was instantly more popular than other sites I had been a part of. (Yes, I'm sure it was because of the sex, but I'd like to think our personalities, thoughts, humor and opinions on other topics mattered too.)
Because it became busy, I thought, "I might be onto something here..."
And so I began to go about the very basic business of arranging a few link swaps (marketing). I had no idea what I'd be in for.
Oh, people were so offended that I'd even asked!
At first I was shocked by the responses. After all, these sites had columnists who published articles where they referred to 'babes' having 'nice cans,' content with cussing, and they certainly didn't act like virgins or prudes... What were we doing that was so 'wrong' or offensive?
Sex Kittens dared to use words like penis and vagina (and the slang, and the euphemisms), some Sex Kittens dared to admit they were/are sex professionals (and without tragic pasts which led them down those sordid paths), but far worse Sex Kittens dared to admit they like sex! (Thrice the horror if they were moms.) What else did they complain about... Oh! We even had some vintage pinups with bare breasts which were apparently shocking. (Hey, when I think about it all again,
we were the site was much tamer looking back then.)
The site still has problems with where it fits in the scheme of things. Despite the number of sex sites, sex bloggers, and individuals who are open to sex as a conversation, the times (and our leaders) are prudish and ignorant. Embracing, understanding and celebrating sex is still taboo. Especially for women. Women still aren't supposed to like sex.
We get complaints from feminists ~ or I should say those who call themselves 'true feminists' who say we are objectifying ourselves and that we are brainwashed by the patriarchy. We believe we are feminists because we believe in the radical notion that equality means we have the right to enjoy our sexuality as much as men do, but not that we need to behave in the ways of men to do so. It's that last part which upsets the 'third wavers' who say we are too critical of their ways.
(I've tried to include these folks. I've invited them to have those discussions here. Wouldn't that be not only more productive but more enlightening for all? We don't always have 'the answers,' and we know that such discussion may not change anyone's opinions, but talking would be a good thing. But so far, no takers; just a refusal and rejection of us and the site.)
I've been told Sex-Kitten.Net's not dirty enough ~ that we don't have enough porn, enough nudity, enough nude pics of ourselves (and our genitals), to be included in their piece, directory or links list. Yeah, I know. We aren't a porn site. We're a sexuality site which covers porn (and some of us are in the porn industry), but we don't make it here ourselves.
We apparently upset many people, both with our smut and by not being smutty enough. :snort:
When I describe the site I use the phrase, "a woman's lifestyle magazine (or group blog) which accepts sexuality as a part of our lives." But that doesn't seem to clarify things for people. Are we a porn site? Are we a collection of romance, dating, and marital advice columns? Are we chick lit? Erotica? Sex help and info? Is it political, about women's rights to sexual health and the control of their own bodies?
I joke that we're all the above and more ~ and that sometimes our articles have nothing to do with sex, imagine that?!
What I usually hear in reply is, "Why do you have to ruin it with pornography?"
"We review pornography and sex toys, show explicit materials and erotic art, because it's part of many women's sex lives," is how I respond. But it's clear that once the words 'women' and 'sex' are included, it's too confusing. If we women aren't denouncing porn, or participating in it; if we aren't showing ourselves having sex, or complaining about those (men) who want sex; brains shut-down.
Many times I've had this discussion regarding the resistance ~ no, the inability to accept ~ women as sexual beings; but for all of them I'm really no clearer in my own understanding of it.
Recently, I (again) discussed this with my partner, CR/LF.
"Playboy's been around, been accepted, for decades. Why not Sex Kitten?"
"Because Playboy's for men."
"And men can like sex, but women can't?"
"Of course, women can like sex; but men are supposed to like and talk about it more."
"But in Playboy the women, the centerfolds, admit they like sex ~ it's probably the only true part of their bios!"
"But it's still for men; male fantasies of women."
"So men are happier fantasizing that the women they are objectifying like sex than they are in accepting that real women they could screw like sex."
It's here where he becomes silent.
I can understand why; it's rather difficult to hear that outloud and neither want to accept it nor have a defense for it.
He should count himself lucky I didn't ask my next question, which was, "Are men, is society, afraid to face the fact that women are sexual animals because then men would have to realize that her lack of interest really could be a rejection... or a sign of a problem?"
Because if men couldn't use the old stand-by that women just aren't into sex, then her lack of interest might have something to do with his performance, issues in the relationship, or something else which would require (gasp) a conversation. Or maybe she just wants another.
The male ego (especially as a collective which is what our society currently is) just can't handle that, can it.
So I can only conclude that sexual women are still a threat. Even in 2007. If I changed every columnist's byline to a male name, it would be more accepted; but that's not what this site is about.
It looks like, years ago, when I discovered I just might be onto something here I was right. And I just might be getting closer to understanding what that something is.
With much affection,