Speaking Of Rashes...
As mentioned in the TMI post
, I have a rash story.
Once a lover (who was cheating on his live-in girlfriend with me), wound up with a rash. Yup, on his dick. He called me and told me. This is how the conversation went:
"I, uh, got a rash..."
"A rash? What kind of a rash? Where?"
"You know a rash... the bumpy itchy kind."
"I understand what a rash is... Where is it? What's it from?"
Pause. So I say, "I'm taking that to mean it's on your cock..."
A muffled agreement of sorts followed by a long pause.
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. What is it?"
"...I don't know..."
"Didn't you go to the doctor?"
"No -- are you kidding me?! Kari would wonder why I have to go to the doctor!"
"Well, doesn't she wonder why you have a rash on your cock?"
"Oh, I see; you're not telling me about the rash so much as accusing me of giving you the rash."
"Well, not accusing you... More like asking if you--"
"Asking if I, the dirty, skanky, disease-ridden escort gave you something -- you've not only insulted me, but my profession, you know--"
"No?" I challenge back.
"If I were you, I'd go to the doctor and then be prepared to grovel and apologize," I said as I hung up.
I did get a call back two days later.
I said nothing, just waited for the apology.
"Um, it turns out Kari also has a rash uh, there..."
"Oh, so I screwed Kari and gave it to her? Or does she just accept rashy-cock, and you gave it to her?"
"No! Listen. She came to me and told me she had a rash--"
"Wait, you didn't notice she had a rash either? What the hell's wrong with the two of you?"
"Well, we each avoided each other out of embarrassment, I guess..."
"The story of how STDs get passed on. Absolute brilliance. At least a whore knows better."
He paused and then continued, "Well, she said that she went to the doctor's and, ah, well, we had been swimming in the lake and there was some sort of advisory put out the next day when the DNR came out. So we both got it from the water -- and we've got stuff to take, so I'll be all clear in a few days."
My indignant response was silent ~ rather a snort and then silence.
Lots of silence as I waited him out. (I imagine he had to screw up the courage to put his balls in his hands and get ready to transfer them me.)
Clears throat and begins... "I'm sorry."
"Gracie, I said I'm sorry..."
"And? What's that mean, those few little words after all those horrible accusations?"
"I never said... I mean, I never..."
"Yeah. You did. So take your semi-rashy dick to your semi-rashy cunt-in-residence and forget about me."
"Come on now!"
"No, no coming with me. It's clear you two were made for each other."