The "It's Over" Blues - Sex~Kitten.net

"Grief was like a terrible burden, but at least you could lay it down by the side of the road & walk away from it. Antonia had come only a few paces, but already she could turn & look back & not weep. It wasn't anything to do with forgetting. It was just accepting. Nothing was ever so bad once you had accepted it."
Rosamunde Pilcher, 'The Shell Seekers'

While most of you have heard of the 5 stages of grief, it might be worth looking at them again...

1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.
2. Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.
3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.
4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.
5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

I'll also remind you that people don't always move through them in that numerical order. How you move through them, 1-5, or 1, 4, 3, 2, 5, it doesn't matter. What does matter, is that you *do* move through them.

It is so easy to get stuck on one of them. (Boy, do I know! You'd think so much experience would make me blow through all 5 at warp speed, but no.)

I guess the first step is to identify where you are, feelings wise, right?

Usually, this is pretty easy. But if you are stuck, here's a quick test:

Some one says to you, "Sorry to hear about you & (insert former significant other's name here)..." You respond:
A) By bursting into tears. (You are depressed.)
B) By punching the person. (You are angry.)
C) By telling them your plan to 'get them back.' (You are in the Bargaining Stage.)
D) You respond with a confused 'What are you talking about?' (You are in denial.)
OK, maybe it isn't always that easy for some of us.

Another way to identify your primary emotions is to notice what you're feeling in your body. Hendricks & Hendricks (1993) made a list of possible sensations for looking to your body for clues to what you are feeling:

If you feel a lump or narrowing in your throat, a pressure or aching in your chest, or have an 'empty belly' feeling, you are likely feeling sadness.

If you feel ropes of tension or lumps in the back of your neck, if your head is throbbing (especially the temple area), if your jaw is clenched, if your shoulders are drawn in tight, if your arms & hands are held back, fingers curled, you might be angry.

If you feel fluttering, clutching or a heavy feeling in your stomach, if you feel dizzy, if you feel short of breath, if you feel tension around your eyes, have dry mouth, you likely have fear.

Any, all, of these emotions are normal to the breaking up process. Again, it is the being stuck there that is the problem. To begin to move 'out' you need to express those emotions.

Obviously, talking with friends & family is a great way to express & unload your emotional baggage. But what happens when they are not available, or, as happens all too often, you get the feeling they just don't want to hear about that anymore? How about stopping in at the SK message boards? Start any conversation you'd like. Emotional baggage is allowed. *wink*